VANCOUVER – Local teens Luke, Ryan, and Tucker were gobsmacked this weekend after finding a laptop with a paid premium account to the explicit website PornHub in the woods behind their scho…
Tag: apple
Apple announces $600 sensibility-cancelling headphones
CUPERTINO, CA – Tech giant Apple introduced the world to a brand new member of the Airpod family, the Apple Airpod Max. This Bluetooth headphone promises high-fidelity audio, adaptive EQ, a…
Eric Trump still in line at Apple Store to vote
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Eyewitnesses report President Trump’s son is still in line at the Georgetown Apple Store, waiting to cast his vote in the 2020 Presidential Election which stopped accepti…
Local man jonesing for raw thrill of touching fruit he’s not going to buy
OTTAWA – After almost half a year of self-isolating, social distancing, and mask-wearing, Ottawa local Grant Thompson confessed that the thing he misses most from his life before Covid was the al…
Report: your screen time was down 9% from last week for an average of 14 hours a day
OTTAWA – After spending 16 hours and 15 minutes per day on your phone last week early reports from your iPhone screen time alert indicate that number is down to a marginally less alarming 1…
Report: Laptop tired of staying up until 3am every night
TORONTO – According to reports, Stephanie McGrath’s laptop simply can’t keep up with her late nights, most often consisting of google searches such as “Tilda Swinton how old” and Buzzfeed q…
BREAKING: Phone dead, laptop dead, iPad dead, in tragic technology massacre
MONCTON, NB — Three Apple products were pronounced dead at the scene this morning in what law enforcements are calling, “A technology triple homicide.” “It is difficult for me to comprehend…
Alex Jones banned from Facebook, YouTube, Apple just in the nick of 5 years too late
PALO ALTO, CA — Facebook, iTunes, YouTube, and Spotify have announced that they will drop Alex Jones’ broadcasts effective immediately, as part of an effort to do nothing whatsoever to prev…
Apple unveils bold new keyboard design inspired by natural wonder known as class action lawsuit
CUPERTINO, CA – Apple has refreshed its high-end MacBook Pro laptop line this week, featuring a revolutionary new keyboard design that was inspired by the class action lawsuits filed agains…
Archeologists unearth ancient iPod from 2005 in junk drawer
WINDSOR, ON – Calling it a “rare specimen”, archaeologists announced Friday that they have unearthed what appears to be an Apple iPod, dating it from the geological period of 2005 based on …