OTTAWA – After spending 16 hours and 15 minutes per day on your phone last week early reports from your iPhone screen time alert indicate that number is down to a marginally less alarming 1…
Tag: apple
Report: Laptop tired of staying up until 3am every night
TORONTO – According to reports, Stephanie McGrath’s laptop simply can’t keep up with her late nights, most often consisting of google searches such as “Tilda Swinton how old” and Buzzfeed q…
BREAKING: Phone dead, laptop dead, iPad dead, in tragic technology massacre
MONCTON, NB — Three Apple products were pronounced dead at the scene this morning in what law enforcements are calling, “A technology triple homicide.” “It is difficult for me to comprehend…
Alex Jones banned from Facebook, YouTube, Apple just in the nick of 5 years too late
PALO ALTO, CA — Facebook, iTunes, YouTube, and Spotify have announced that they will drop Alex Jones’ broadcasts effective immediately, as part of an effort to do nothing whatsoever to prev…
Apple unveils bold new keyboard design inspired by natural wonder known as class action lawsuit
CUPERTINO, CA – Apple has refreshed its high-end MacBook Pro laptop line this week, featuring a revolutionary new keyboard design that was inspired by the class action lawsuits filed agains…
Archeologists unearth ancient iPod from 2005 in junk drawer
WINDSOR, ON – Calling it a “rare specimen”, archaeologists announced Friday that they have unearthed what appears to be an Apple iPod, dating it from the geological period of 2005 based on …
Apple upgrade: Covering webcam now makes computer’s privacy-invading senses stronger
CUPERTINO, CA — In response to a growing trend of laptop users covering their webcam with bandages or tape in order to avoid being spied on, Apple CEO Tim Cook has announced that such measu…
NRA loses sponsorship deal with Henderson’s Child-Sized Coffins
FAIRFAX, VA — In the wake of the Parkland, FL school shooting and subsequent public outcry, the NRA has lost several major sponsors including their latest: Henderson’s Child-Sized Coffins. …
Company unveils new ‘smart condom’ even though the smartest condom will always be abstinence
NOTTINGHAM, UK – A British company has released the first images of their long-awaited “smart condom”, a wearable tech device which promises to be second only to the smartest condom of all: sexua…
iPhone X comes with pre-cracked screen, 89 group text-notifications
CUPERTINO, CA – After waiting months for the release of the iPhone X, Apple fans were pleased to discover new features that the new technology comes loaded with, including a pre-cracked scr…