CUPERTINO, CA – Tech giant Apple introduced the world to a brand new member of the Airpod family, the Apple Airpod Max. This Bluetooth headphone promises high-fidelity audio, adaptive EQ, a $779 Cdn price tag and their newest feature, Active Sensibility Cancelation.
“The sensibility cancellation is a marvellous technology and we’re proud to be the first to implement it,” wrote Tim Cook, CEO of Apple, in a statement. “It actively cancels any sensible or reasonable thought you might have about your future purchase from Apple and says to you ‘You’re in too deep already’”.
“Once you sink in $549 on a pair of headphones that don’t even have MagSafe charging or come with a charger block, you’re too deep to ever leave the Apple family. Might as well get rid of your ergonomic mouse and slowly succumb as the Magic Mouse 2 gives you Carpal Tunnel Syndrome,” Cook added.
“Next time your kids beg you to stop buying every new iPhone when they come out, it will cancel it their voice of reason. When your friends tell you that you don’t need an iPad pro to play Plants vs Zombies, it’s gonna get cancelled out. When your husband tells you to spend less time at work running a multibillion tech corporation or else you’ll lose him, guess what? Cancelled out.”
The new Apple Airpod Max also comes with a leather holster called the Smart Case. “The name makes people feel less dumb about pulling out a leather case that looks like something Sean Connery wore under his red banana hammock in the movie Zardoz. Our designers were actually testing the Sensibility Cancelation features when they designed the Smart Case”.
There have been rumours about the addition of Active Guilt Cancelling Airpod Max 2. This feature will cancel out any feelings of guilt about the life of those 3rd world children that work on the assembly line making Apple products.
In a related story, Sony promises to release a better version of the same thing with twice the performance for half the price 6 months ago.
Sent from my iPhone.