PALO ALTO, CA — Facebook, iTunes, YouTube, and Spotify have announced that they will drop Alex Jones’ broadcasts effective immediately, as part of an effort to do nothing whatsoever to prevent the years of damage Infowars has caused.
“Here in Silicon Valley we pride ourselves on being on the cutting edge of technology, and half a decade behind any sense of social responsibility,” announced Apple CEO Tim Cook. “So we figured it’s time to step in before Jones undermines trust in all forms of journalism or helps get a fascist elected president.”
“It’s like that old saying, you can put the toothpaste back in the tube,” he added.
“We tech leaders realized that now was the right time to remove Infowars hate speech. Well, technically ‘the right time’ would have been in 2013 when Jones used our platform to claim the Sandy Hook massacre was a hoax and sic his followers on the grieving parents,” said Spotify CEO Daniel Ek. “But now is also a pretty good time.”
Across town Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg made a similar statement on Jones’ pulled videos. “What’s important is that Jones’ brand of hate speech and conspiracy mongering have no place on Facebook now that we have helped amass an independent audience that will follow him to whatever platform he ends up on.”
In response, Infowars has responded amiably to being de-platformed. In a taped broadcast Alex Jones shouted wistfully at the camera, “This decision is clearly a conspiracy by globalist crisis actors and frogs who have been turned gay by flouride. But still, we thank Apple, Facebook, and Youtube for everything they’ve helped Infowars achieve over the past decade.”
Jones then added, “Also, if my wife’s divorce attorney is watching, my comments are solely intended for entertainment purposes and I don’t believe any of what I’m saying.”
In a related story, Twitter has announced that it will make following Alex Jones mandatory.