Max Scherzer re-signs with Blues Jays for chance to win, get even with guy who cut him off on DVP
DUNEDIN, FL – In an effort to address unresolved trauma from the 2025 season, veteran pitcher ‘Mad’ Max Scherzer announced he will re-sign with the Toronto Blue Jays to give himself another shot …
Evil spirit inside Olympic stuffed animal now controls Nathan MacKinnon’s mortal soul
MILAN – After the devastating loss to Team USA in the men’s hockey gold medal game on Sunday afternoon, it would appear that CBC broadcast cameras at the 2026 Winter Olympic Games captured the ve…
Trump demands Canada give him all their Olympic medals
OTTAWA – Following the closing ceremonies of the 2026 Winter Olympics, Canada’s athletes received an unusual message from President of the United States Donald Trump, stating simply “…
Canada credits gold medal curling win to expert fingering
MILANO-CORTINA – With Canada’s mens team defeating Great Britain to clinch gold in the Winter Olympics, Canadian skip Brad Jacobs is crediting the victory to his team’s delicate…
Hockey Canada ordered to pay nation’s therapy bills
MILAN – After causing the nation 3 straight days of what can only be described as “holy shit, holy shit, I’m going to lose my god damn mind” levels of stress at the Olympi…
Doubles Luge canceled as Olympics runs out of condoms
CORTINA, ITALY — Following the news that the 2026 Milano Cortina Winter Olympics had run out of condoms, the International Olympic Committee was forced to call off the doubles luge event. “Today …
CBC Gem crashes due to Canadians using it
TORONTO – With record numbers of Canadians viewing the Winter Olympic Games on CBC Gem, the streaming platform experienced several outages due to what’s being called “an unprecedented number of p…
USA wins gold at Super Bowl
SANTA CLARA, CA – Team USA is triumphantly announcing their third gold medal since the start of the Milano-Cortina Winter Olympics, in the much-watched Super Bowl event. “No other cou…
