TTC driver blames ‘shitty fucking TTC’ for being late to work
TORONTO – Longtime TTC streetcar driver Morris Stollery was late to start his shift on Wednesday, a fact he blamed on Toronto’s poor public transportation system. “The transit s…
Bob Dylan concerts to feature hologram of Bob Dylan that actually gives a shit
LOS ANGELES, CA – Inspired by the famous holographic projections of deceased artists like 2Pac Shakur and Biggie Smalls, Columbia Records executives have announced an upcoming Bob Dylan con…
French reinforcements arrive in Quebec 253 years late
QUEBEC CITY – After spending 92,345 days at sea, French Marines finally arrived to reinforce the French garrison in Quebec City. The 250 men of the Troupes de la Marine swiftly scaled the cliffs …
US men’s basketball team win gold over [placeholder]
LONDON – On [date TBA] the United States basketball “dream team” defeated the [placeholder] team by a score of [placeholder] to 42. Kobe Bryant lead the scoring barrage with an unprecedente…
Marionettes and puppets forced to breed Muppets on Jim Henson family estate
LOS ANGELES, CA – Following a police raid yesterday, Federal authorities announced at a press conference that they are investigating long suspected criminal sexual activities at the late Ji…
Keyword term “google” number one most searched item on Bing for 28th straight month
REDMOND, WA – Microsoft’s search engine Bing revealed its most searched items for the month of January, with the search phrase “google” coming in first a record 28th strai…
Conservatives want to appeal BC’s assisted suicide ruling
The federal government is looking to appeal a British Columbia Supreme Court ruling that struck down Canada’s ban on assisted suicide. What’s your say? “I worked for years to get that…
Flaherty’s face now primary measure of Canada’s economy
OTTAWA – As Canada’s economic outlook grows increasingly unpredictable and difficult to understand, media outlets across the country are turning to Finance Minister Jim Flaherty’s varied fa…
Blackberry ordered to pay big fine
Blackberry maker, Research in Motion, was told to pay $147 million after losing a patent case in California. What’s your say? “Pay them in RIM stock. That’ll teach ‘em.” Simon W…
