OTTAWA – In a press conference on Tuesday, Public Safety Minister Steven Blaney claimed that “the Holocaust did not begin in the gas chambers, it began with words,” in defense of Bill C-51, a document...
Tory MP assures Canadians that his racism is merely institutional
OTTAWA – Conservative MP John Williamson has reassured the public that his comments regarding temporary foreign workers did not reflect his own personal views and was merely expressing racism at...
Shithole town bans motherfucking swearing
TABER, AB – Some fucking shitheaded municipality in butt-fuck nowhere Alberta has passed a tightassed ban on motherfucking swearing. “We think this ban will make our youth more respectful,” said...
Comedy visionary dreamed of a world that made more sense to him
When starting a website that you want to become the premiere source of satire and comedy writing in a country, you need things. Money, business contacts, endorsements from prominent people. Laurent No...
Toronto universities offer new undergrad course in Advanced Test Marking
TORONTO – In a change that University of Toronto and York University say “will better prepare students for the rigors of the workplace or something”, undergraduate students will be asked to comp...
CRA discovers discrepancies in 7 out of 4 cases
OTTAWA – According to a recent internal review, the Canada Revenue Agency’s tax answers to customers have not been mathematically accurate “110% of the time.” “It would seem highly improbable, b...
‘Roommate wanted’ ad obviously posted by giant spider
TORONTO – Alert apartment hunters have notified the popular classified site, Kijiji, that one of their ‘roommate wanted’ ads has obviously been posted by a giant hungry spider. “I am a 27-...
Student who never attends tutorial furious at TA strike
TORONTO – A second year history student at the University of Toronto is upset to hear that the university’s TA strike is preventing him from not attending his weekly tutorials. “This is so stupi...
Ottawa asking deceased veterans to confirm status every 3 years
OTTAWA – Following the newly instated policy that requires veterans to verify lost limbs, Ottawa is now also requiring deceased veterans to prove their status every three years. “This is n...
Man pretty sure thank-you card for Christmas gift will make things worse at this point
MISSISSAUGA — Local man James Redwy told reporters yesterday that despite “really wanting” to send a thank-you note to his aunt Susan for the sweater she gave him for Christmas, at this point it’s pro...
