BY: DONG_ZILLA Hey ladies, how’s it going? I’m going to assume not good, because most of you are very angry with me. But why? Was it because of the dick pic? How quick you are to judge. We...
Trudeau considers re-muzzling scientists after 3 hour conversation about rare seaweed
OTTAWA – PM Justin Trudeau is reconsidering unmuzzling Canada’s scientists after a one-sided conversation about a rare New Zealand seaweed went on for more than 180 minutes. “Listen, I’m truly, ...
Man buys $30 book on how to save money
KELOWNA – After years of overspending and struggling to maintain a budget, local man Miles Kirkpatrick has decided to buckle down and get serious about things by buying Dollars and Sense: Keys t...
Trudeau announces last remaining caged public servants to be released Monday
OTTAWA — In an effort to improve the relationship with the public service, Justin Trudeau’s Liberal government has said it will release the last remaining caged public servants still locked deep...
New Star Trek series vows to disappoint old and new fans alike
HOLLYWOOD, CA – After this Monday’s announcement that CBS would be producing a new series of the popular franchise Star Trek, executives are now allaying worries that the new program would...
Northern telecommunications company known for unpredictable outages vows to improve hold music
YELLOWKNIFE — A recent spate of internet and phone disruptions has lead Northwestel to drastically improve the quality and variety of recorded music for customers waiting to complain about the o...
Keystone XL execs wonder what to do with 200,000 ‘Bitumen Is My Homeboy’ t-shirts
CALGARY — TransCanada Corporation is clueless about what to do with hundreds of thousands of pro-Keystone pipeline t-shirts now that US President Barack Obama has turned down the $8 billion Keys...
Daniel Craig loses Bond role after his new tan deemed “too dark”
LOS ANGELES – The author of the latest Bond novel has called for Daniel Craig to be fired after arriving to the Spectre premiere with a tan he believes is “too dark” to properly represent the characte...
Being buried alive by nemesis now leading cause of death for young Canadians
OTTAWA – A recent paper by an inter-disciplinary panel has revealed that being entombed by one’s mortal enemy is now the most common cause of death among Canadians. “This really surprised us,” s...
