BY: GEORGE LUCAS Over the decades, fans have come to expect a certain standard from me; now as the torch is passed on to a new generation of fans (and filmmakers), it’s disappointing to see fundamenta...
Every major news outlet asking why rest of media hasn’t called Oregon militia ‘terrorists’
TORONTO – The Toronto Star has become the 27th newspaper to run an op-ed accusing the rest of the North American newsmedia of refusing to label the Oregon occupiers as ‘insurgents,’ ...
TTC uses fare hike to fund new service outage announcement system
TORONTO – In a press conference yesterday, the Toronto Transit Commission announced that thanks to funds raised by recently announced fare hikes, the transit system would be launching a brand ne...
6-year-old placed on travel security list for radical beliefs in Santa Claus
Canadian born 6-year-old Syed Adam Ahmed has been placed on a travel security risk list following the revelation of his radical beliefs in Santa Claus. Markham resident Ahmed was labelled DHP, or “dee...
No you come out of the supply closet
By: Darryl Bowden I’m getting real sick of this. Every time I go into the supply closet at work, everyone expects that I’m going to come out within the hour. But I’m not. Why? Becaus...
UN sends 40,000 peacekeepers to stabilize United States
GENEVA – Following reports of sustained violence and the rise of dangerous militant and political groups, the United Nations is allocating 40,000 peacekeepers to the US in an attempt to maintain...
Nike boosts sales with new shoes targeted at young, wealthy centipedes
NEW YORK – Nike announced today that 2015 was its most successful year ever, crediting their massive increase in sales to a specialty line of sneakers that targeted the under-served “young, rich...
Bunny reporter tired of writing fluff pieces
BANFF, AB- Jounalist for the Banff National Park News Hoppy McWhiskers has recently spoken out about what he believes is a pattern of discrimination at the paper. McWhiskers, who joined the paper in ...
Recalled flip-flops flip, fail to flop
Fairfax, NFLD – Feather Feet, formerly Fairfax Footwear, has recalled their first famed flip-flop franchise, the Freezy Flow, for flipping, but failing to flop. Faulty manufacturing on the facto...
Family arguing in Mississippi Walmart checkout accidentally writes new Faulkner novel
MISSISSIPPI – Members of the slowly dissolving Sendwick clan, Collum and his children Leonard and Franny, have unintentionally created a previously unavailable work from Nobel Prize-winning auth...
