SARNIA, ON – A study of all 4 Clarkson grandchildren has confirmed that the cookies baked by their sweet, kind grandmother Dorothy don’t even compare to those made by their mean, xenophobi...
Saskatchewan voyeur jerks off to wheat again
ALAMEDA, SK – Local voyeur Thomas Ristic has once again been forced to masturbate to completion while staring at the 50 acres of wheat that neighbour his property. “This was never my first choic...
Pamela Anderson calls upon loyal army of 1990s perverts to stop seal hunt
OTTAWA – Actress and former Playboy Playmate Pamela Anderson has called upon her legion of 1990s era perverts to help put an end to the annual Canadian seal hunt. “I am asking for all members of the p...
Brad Wall: ‘Don’t put a price on my precious carbon!’
VANCOUVER — Saskatchewan Premier Brad Wall has begged other leaders to not put a price on his “sweet, precious carbon” at the First Ministers meeting yesterday. “Uranium is $40 a pound, potash i...
Donald Trump starts feud with Donald Trump
NEW YORK – Republican presidential hopeful Donald Trump has found himself embroiled in another feud, this time with Republican presidential hopeful Donald Trump. “Who is he? Comes from a family ...
Discovery of meth lab shows excellent health of Whitehorse’s entrepreneurial economy
WHITEHORSE — A recent fire that revealed the presence of a meth lab in Yukon’s capital city demonstrates the willingness of small businesses to invest in the city, a local economist says. Despit...
60-year-old offered federal government job she applied to 31 years ago
OTTAWA — The wait has been long, but a 60-year-old retiree is happy to know that she was the successful candidate in a federal government job competition for which she first applied in 1985. She...
CBC’s ‘Canadian Serial’ true-crime podcast to investigate why broadcaster kept employing Jian Ghomeshi
TORONTO – CBC Radio One has announced an upcoming true-crime podcast, already being hailed as the Canadian answer to the US podcast ‘Serial’, which will detail the circumstances surrounding the ...
Terrified record producer forced to work with woman he raped
LOS ANGELES – Lucasz “Dr. Luke” Gottwald, has been living a nightmare since courts denied singer Kesha Sebert’s request to work with a producer who didn’t drug and rape her. “Things were already uncom...
Ted Cruz caught Google searching “How to move back to Canada” in wake of Super Tuesday results
HOUSTON, TEXAS — Following Donald Trump’s grab in yesterday’s Super Tuesday primaries, Texas Senator and Republican presidential contender Ted Cruz accidentally revealed his interest in immigrat...
