VANCOUVER — Saskatchewan Premier Brad Wall has begged other leaders to not put a price on his “sweet, precious carbon” at the First Ministers meeting yesterday.
“Uranium is $40 a pound, potash is $295 per metric ton, oxygen is $5.99 a lungful for all I care, but carbon, carbon is priceless,” urged red-eyed, visibly dishevelled Wall to his fellow political leaders. “I just can’t get enough of it! The country needs carbon!”
The Premier stopped his appeal to take a huff of CO2 from a plastic bag before letting out a deep sigh of relief and offering it to other Premiers around the table.
“That is some premium Regina carbon right there,” added Wall reaching into his pocket for another bag full of emissions. “Sweet, sweet oilsands fumes.”
At the press conference, Wall was nowhere to be seen, but according to sources, he crashed on BC Premier Christy Clark’s couch after coming down.
With files from Alexander Huntley, Emma Overton and David Horrowitz