ISIS militants unwind by destroying charming little brunch place
SYRIA – After nearly three weeks straight of destroying artwork, murdering innocent civilians, and unlawfully annexing territory, ISIS soldiers Dafiq al-Adnani and Labid al-Tikriti relaxed …
Degrassi School condemned following 35 years of student-related tragedy
TORONTO – Following 35 years of unplanned pregnancies, drunk driving, stabbings, suicides, gonorrhea outbreaks, and one student dropping acid and then falling off a bridge and suffering per…
F1: Montreal’s biggest speed-typing competition returns
MONTREAL — Old Montreal hotels are currently adorned with the flags of Boggle, Scrabble, and Apples to Apples announcing the return of the F1 – Keyboard Championship and the 18th annual QWE…
Canadians caught stealing American Netflix to be punished with 3-year Bell contract
OTTAWA — At the Canadian Telecom Summit on Friday, the CRTC announced new laws that will punish Canadians illegally accessing American Netflix with a restrictive 3-year Bell TV+Internet+Hom…
Jeopardy contestant refuses to answer questions about Canadian geography, chants “U.S.A., U.S.A, U.S.A.!”
BURBANK, CA – When faced with a category of questions about Canadian geography, an American contestant on a recent episode of Jeopardy refused to provide any answers, instead choosing to lo…
Montreal pretends to be Europe again for F1 weekend
MONTREAL – With the Montreal Grand Prix F1 race back in the city from June 5-8, Montreal is once more pretending to be a European metropolis, kicking off ‘MontEurol Weekend.’ “It is a great…
World Cup stadium labourer in Qatar wishes he could also resign
DOHA – Following the resignation of FIFA president Sepp Blatter, Bangladeshi migrant worker Sumon Saha announced that he would like to be able to do the same thing and leave his job buildin…
Red-haired woman bragging about how easily she sunburns for some reason
VANCOUVER — Attendees of a local barbecue report that a red-haired woman is talking animatedly about how easily she gets sunburned, for reasons that cannot be determined by anyone at the scene or…
Truth and Reconciliation: Stephen Harper sends apology email to First Nations
OTTAWA – After the publication of a Truth and Reconciliation commission report calling the Residential Schools a cultural genocide, Prime Minister Harper has sent an apologetic email to Can…
Nation just trying to keep Uncle Dave off the topic of Caitlyn Jenner
NATIONWIDE – With Caitlyn Jenner’s courageous gender transition making worldwide headlines, the nation is just desperately trying to keep Uncle Dave from sharing his opinions on the issue w…
