Conservative candidate resigns after reading Conservative platform out loud
DUNVILLE, ON — Another local Conservative candidate has resigned today after he read the Conservative Party platform out loud offending many who heard it. Gordon McPherson, Conservative can…
Montreal man beaten at a bar after claiming he “is ready for winter”
MONTREAL, QC — A man is in serious condition following a beating at a Montreal pub. The victim, Simon Duncan, was attacked by a group of patrons after openly announcing that he “is ready fo…
Queen Elizabeth II officially England’s longest-serving welfare recipient
LONDON, UK – Queen Elizabeth II is now officially England’s longest serving drain of public funds, celebrating her 23,226th day as Britain’s reigning welfare recipient. “Her Majesty is living pro…
Harper polling well in sought-after ‘corrupt’ demographic
OTTAWA – As the senate expense trial continues, Prime Minister Stephen Harper has seen his support drop in most demographics, but he has also seen a steep rise among Canada’s corrupt. “Some…
Harper pledges all Conservative candidates will be potty trained by time they take office
OTTAWA — Following the resignation of a Toronto candidate this weekend, the Conservative Party of Canada has pledged all future candidates will be ethical, upstanding citizens who know how to use…
Chris Alexander goes back in time to deny ancestors entry into Canada
NEWARK, UPPER CANADA — Citing his strong personal conviction that refugees must complete proper screening before entering Canada, Citizenship and Immigration Minister Chris Alexander has tr…
Harper renames Mount Logan to Mount Denial
WHITEHORSE – Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper has officially changed the name of Mount Logan to Mount Denial when he visited the Yukon capital city earlier this week. The announcement comes…
Actual news story about Conservative MP Ryan Leef campaign signs baffle satirists
WHITEHORSE — An actual news story about Yukon Conservative MP Ryan Leef catching and arresting a woman vandalizing his election sign in a sting operation has bewildered many in the satirica…
Chris Alexander asks Syrian refugees to wait six more weeks until Conservatives re-elected
AJAX — Citizenship and Immigration Minister Chris Alexander has told refugees escaping war-torn Syria and Iraq to hang tight until the Conservatives are given another majority government by…
Chris Alexander: “If I could do it over again, I would have denied a different child’s refugee claim”
AJAX – Following the revelation that the deceased Syrian child depicted in a now-famous photograph was denied a Canadian refugee claim, Federal Immigration Minister Chris Alexander has assu…
