Game maker Konami avoids bankruptcy after entering ↑↑↓↓←→←→BA
TOKYO, JAPAN – Following reports that the prominent video game publisher would cease all development on console games, the Konami game company reportedly extended their financial life by en…
Local man deeply offended that you aren’t caught up on any of his favourite TV shows
TORONTO — What started as an innocent conversation with a coworker about last night’s Emmy Awards quickly spun out of control when, sources say, you provoked the scorn and derision of…
Memorial service for deceased BMW driver held in bike lane
TORONTO – Following his tragic accident last week, this morning a memorial service was held for deceased BMW driver Cole Richards in the middle of a busy bike lane in Toronto. “I can’t beli…
Harper the latest inferior product to be endorsed by Gretzky
TORONTO – Canadian hockey icon Wayne Gretzky endorsed Prime Minister Stephen Harper for re-election at a Conservative Party rally this week, making the Tory leader the latest in a long line of me…
Memorial University recognizes prof’s religious right to be a dick to students with disabilities
ST. JOHN’S — Memorial University has announced that it will accommodate any professor’s religious right to be a complete ass towards students with any type of disability. “Our university ha…
High levels of childhood obesity in Canada ‘great for business’ says high school bully
PETERBOROUGH — Teenage tyrants across the country raised their victim’s underpants in jubilation today after learning that childhood obesity rates in Canada continue to rise “faster t…
McGill ranked top Canadian university according to list released by McGill
MONTREAL — McGill University rose to the number 1 spot this year among Canadian universities in an annual ranking compiled by researchers from McGill University. The order of the list was c…
Election Profile: Green Party Platform
While it might be more than a long shot at winning, the Green Party is running a full slate of candidates. Here’s what a Green Party would do as your government: Key Beliefs Not a one issue…
The Globe and Mail showcases diversity with five white male columnists who have different opinions
TORONTO — Demonstrating the publication’s commitment to diversity, five of the Globe and Mail’s white, middle-aged, male columnists have taken different stances on who won the debate among …
Trump announces running mate will be solid gold statue of Donald Trump
NEW YORK – Following the GOP debate this week, Donald Trump has announced that, if he is selected as the Republican candidate for President, his running mate will be a solid gold statue of …
