ST JOHN’S – Reports indicate that the Government of Newfoundland and Labrador’s decision to tax books was mostly a result of heavy lobbying from the province’s popular functionally illiterate lo...
Man riding elliptical like it killed his family
SUDBURY, ON – Grunting audibly as the machine threatened to topple under his force, local man, Jeremy Gaston, 36, was seen riding an elliptical runner at a nearby gym this week in a way that wit...
7 things you already knew about the 1990s
Fashion, music, TV. It seems everywhere you look the 1990’s are back. Unless you look at a calendar in which case you see that it’s not. Let’s take a look at what makes the 1990̵...
Guide To: Inauguration Day
The Beaverton begins our coverage of the presidential inauguration....
Appearance at Trump inauguration completes Caitlyn Jenner’s transition to total asshole
LOS ANGELES – Reality TV star Caitlyn Jenner announced this week that she will appear at President-elect Donald Trump’s January 20th inauguration ceremony, completing her highly publicized transition ...
Kathleen Wynne gesturing with both hands again
TORONTO – In a recent public appearance, Kathleen Wynne did that thing where she gestures with both hands again. “Oh yup, there she goes,” said local woman Jane Green. “That’s her gesture that s...
Winnipeg Jets-San Jose Sharks rivalry heats up over a girl named Maria
SAN JOSE- The San Jose Sharks-Winnipeg Jets rivalry has hit a fever pitch after the Jets’ Mark Scheifele accidentally fell in love with Maria Burns – the enchanting sister of Sharks’ Brent Burns. Burn...
Health Canada concerned about possible outbreak of white men wearing shorts in winter
White guys wearing shorts in winter, is it an epidemic? Catch this week’s new episode of The Beaverton at 10pm EST, Wednesday on The Comedy Network....
Local cuck happily married
WINNIPEG – Despite reports confirming that local librarian Richard Gordon is a complete beta cuck, further evidence has recently emerged that he is in a happy and healthy marriage of several yea...
Canadians Learn About Gandhi and Serial Killer Gilles de Rais
Canadians learn About Gandhi and serial killer Gilles de Rais, and the results will shock you! #BeavFeed...
