Thousands of young Canadians travel home to visit standard of living they’ll never afford
OTTAWA – With Christmas only days away, thousands of young Canadians prepare to journey home and visit a quality of living that they will never possibly hope to afford. Across the entire na…
Grinch reverts to old ways as price of roast beast skyrockets under inflation
WHOVILLE, AB ― Reports from Whoville, a remote town outside Banff, indicate that its most famous resident has returned to his old domicile on a cold mountaintop on the outskirts of town. After se…
Mariah Carey admits she also wants a Dyson Airwrap hairdryer for Christmas
LOS ANGELES – The queen of Christmas Mariah Carey has admitted after nearly 30 years of her chart-topping single “All I Want for Christmas Is You,” she finally needs more than just you. “I…
Child abuse? This baby is wearing jeans
VANCOUVER – In a show of parental misconduct that would horrify even the most child-avoidant of people, a baby was spotted in a local cafe wearing jeans. The baby in question, Gerald Culver…
Parliament’s Elf On The Shelf turns out to be Pierre Poilievre in a little scarf
OTTAWA – Shockwaves spread throughout the House this week when staffers realized that the vaguely threatening elf watching their every move was actually the leader of the Opposition in a fe…
Why I refuse to say “Happy Holidays”: I’m sad
TORONTO — It’s that time of year again; The lights are shining, the snow is falling, and “woke moralists” are forcing me to say “Happy Holidays”. But this year I’m taking a stand. I won’t say it!…
Most popular Christmas special in each province
There’s nothing more Canadian than avoiding the increasingly wet winter weather by hiding inside and watching your favourite Christmas special. Check out this list of the most popula…
“Circle back after the holidays” workload building up
TORONTO – In the corporate world, employees are finding that their “circle back after the holidays” workload is building up to critical levels. Jason Raynor works as a project manager for a…
Tesla clarifies not all of its cars have been recalled: “You can keep the exploded ones”
AUSTIN, TX –In an auto recall of unprecedented scale, the electric car maker Tesla is set to offer free updates for 2,000,000 cars in the US and Canada but insists this doesn’t mean that they’re …
“Counting games in hand we’re only the 2nd worst team in the East,” says Sens fan who picked them to make Conference Finals
OTTAWA – Having earned only 22 points the Ottawa Senators are last in the eastern conference standings. But given their games in hand they’re actually only second worst, as Sens fans …
