WASHINGTON D.C. – U.S. President Donald Trump is demanding that he be immediately awarded a Nobel Peace Prize as a reward for single-handedly sparking a potential Third World War with the nation...
Blue Jays announce giveaway where first 15,000 fans get a family doctor
TORONTO – In an effort to sell tickets to baseball games, Blue Jays team president Mark Shapiro has announced a new giveaway where the first 15,000 fans who enter the Rogers Centre during an upcoming ...
America announces reboot of early 2000’s Middle Eastern war
“Despite franchise fatigue with Marvel and Star Wars, U.S. and Israeli producers are releasing a big-budget reboot of the blockbuster property.” Party at Carney’s house! Ian and the ...
Canadians travelling to the US advised to not fucking do that
OTTAWA – Canadians thinking of planning a trip to the United States are being advised by the Government of Canada to perhaps consider going anywhere else on the entire fucking planet for their s...
Florida, Calgary win Stanley Cup Final
SUNRISE, FL – The Florida Panthers have defeated the Edmonton Oilers in the Stanley Cup Final, securing both Florida and Calgary their second consecutive Cup victory over Edmonton. “I’m happy my team,...
Meet the gay men supporting the Conservative Party: “We hate trans people more than we like having rights”
CHILLIWACK, BC – Recently, organizers of the Fraser Valley Trans Pride Festival ran into opposition when a group proclaiming themselves ‘Homos for Common Sense’ protested outside of their organi...
Poilievre can’t believe he hung out with Jordan Peterson for nothing
OTTAWA – Former member of Parliament Pierre Poilievre today bemoaned the interview he gave to Jordan Peterson, saying he can’t believe he hung out with him for a whole afternoon only to have it ...
Dad raises shirt a bit to air out belly, rub it
TORONTO – Local father Ray Teramoto has untucked his t-shirt to expose his hairy belly and rub it while watching television, according to sources familiar with the situation. “Tucking in his shi...
“Eh, fuck it”: Montreal F1 driver takes an Uber
MONTREAL, QUEBEC – The annual Montreal Grand Prix has arrived, but one championship-winning Formula One driver decided to forego the traditional lavish displays of the competition and entered th...
A Father’s Day gift he’ll never forget: 7 grams of shrooms
HAMILTON, ON – In a growing trend, some Canadian dads won’t be receiving a traditional Father’s Day gift this year. Instead of tools, flannel, or mid-tier barbecue accessories, they’ll be getting thei...
