Local man recounts incredible tale of discovering new podcast
HALIFAX – After surviving almost an entire week with nothing more than a three hour interview of Pete Holmes on The Joe Rogan Experience, humble office manager Dale Eckerd miraculously loca…
Green Party asks plane they’re flying on to remove left, right wings to adhere to party’s message
MONTREAL – Flights were delayed at Pierre Elliot Trudeau Airport after Green Party Leader Elizabeth May insisted the Air Canada flight she was travelling on remove both left and right wings…
Couple give dignified human name to puppy, name baby something fucking weird
ABBOTSFORD, BC – Proud local couple Vincent and Christina Hull recently revealed on social media the name of their new puppy, Jessica, as well as the name of their newborn daughter, Champyo…
Election throwback: Pierre Trudeau appoints football Robert Stanfield fumbled to Senate
An excerpt from The Beaverton Presents Glorious and/or Free: The True History of Canada. Available where books are sold. July 10th, 1974 OTTAWA – The football that foiled any chance of Prog…
Tory candidate dropped for not making bigoted remarks
OTTAWA – The Conservative Party of Canada have removed one of their candidates from an Ontario riding after it was discovered she has not made any racist, homophobic, or slanderous remark t…
Free speech advocates upset Shane Gillis denied constitutional right to late night TV gig
NEW YORK CITY — Following an announcement that Saturday Night Live is officially cutting ties with Shane Gillis, self-proclaimed online defenders of the First Amendment insist that this is …
Mazel tov! Audrey Hepburn poster weds Bob Marley poster
TORONTO – In an unlikely yet widely celebrated union, an Audrey Hepburn poster married a Bob Marley poster at an intimate ceremony held in a first year Ryerson student’s dorm this weekend. …
Conservative tax break allows citizens to decide what government services they want cut
TORONTO – Conservative Leader Andrew Scheer has proposed giving individual taxpayers the option of choosing which government infrastructure, programs, and services to cut to pay for his pro…
Doug Ford vows to reach $15 billion deficit total he lied about before the end of his term
QUEEN’S PARK – During his 2018 election campaign, Ford claimed the Liberals had left him with a $15 billion deficit, now understood to be a much smaller sum of $7.8 billion, and has since promise…
“Just make oil prices leap to $120/barrel, and it will end,” says Jason Kenney waterboarding environmentalist
FORT McMURRAY, AB – After pouring a bucket of water over the head of a suspected environmentalist to simulate drowning, Alberta Premier Jason Kenney again demanded his chained captive raise…
