Update: Maxime Bernier too racist even for Quebec
BEAUCE, PQ – Early projections indicate that Maxime Bernier will lose his seat indicating that the former Conservative leadership contender too racist even for his native province. “Y…
Voters send clear message of “ugh, fine, Trudeau again, I guess”
OTTAWA – Exercising their democratic rights, voters across Canada today sent a clear, unambiguous message to Ottawa of, “sure, whatever, Trudeau, I guess.” Adding “He’s fine. I mean, he’s n…
Trudeau win inspires next generation of white men to break the blackface barrier
OTTAWA – With media sources projecting at least a minority government, Canada’s first black and brown prime minister Justin Trudeau has been re-elected. The Liberal leader won another hard …
Andrew Scheer frantically asks for do-over after accidentally voting for Trudeau
REGINA – Witnesses have reported seeing Conservative Party leader Andrew Scheer pleading with Elections Canada officials to allow him to re-do his vote after realizing that he mistakenly cast his…
The Beaverton Mocks the Vote Special
Emma and Miguel fulfill a lifelong dream of covering the Canadian Federal Election.…
2019 federal election campaign has aged average Canadian by 42 years
OTTAWA – A recent study by the University of Ottawa Department of Gerontology has suggested that the average Canadian who has been following the federal election campaign puts an average 36…
Tomorrow’s election prompts louder, more impassioned uninformed opinions
OTTAWA – With tomorrow’s federal election looming, the nation’s friends, co-workers, and family members are going head-to-head with passionate opinions based on absolutely zero …
QUIZ: Is your essay too short, or are post-secondary treatises a futile and meaningless exercise in quantifying intellectual abilities in a way that presents a moral and physical hardship to their creator?
Hey students! It’s midterm season and you know what that means: essays are due! Love ‘em or hate ‘em, you’re bound to encounter at least one— and you’d better be prepared for the inevitable momen…
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