Quiz: Was seeing Jean Chretien choke a guy your sexual awakening or are you normal?

While most young people experience sexual awakenings as a result of cute movie stars, attractive musicians, or even neighbourhood hotties, a population of Canadians were lucky enough to have Jean…

Oh No: This COVID hotel has themed rooms

Need yet another reason to postpone travel during this once-in-a-century global pandemic? This quarantine hotel has you covered – by mandating themed rooms for all international arrivals! T…

NASA warns alien life may not be fuckable

WASHINGTON – Following a recent uptick in UFO interest, NASA cautioned curious citizens against the notion that extraterrestrial life will be sexually desirable. NASA’s interstellar s…

BuzzFeed posts “Which Of The Journalists We Just Laid Off Are You?” quiz

NEW YORK CITY – BuzzFeed is encouraging readers to design their dream Disney date to help them determine which of the 70 journalists, producers, editors, and other workers they just laid off they…

Local man scrambles to find last-minute gift for one year COVID anniversary

CALGARY – A local man who has somehow miraculously forgotten that he’s been locked inside for a year is scrambling to put together a gift for his one year COVID anniversary. “I just don’t know ho…

Local introvert regrets making that wish on Monkey’s Paw last year

KITCHENER-WATERLOO – Herb White, a self-avowed introvert, expressed deep regret about the wish he made last year upon finding a monkey’s paw by the side of the road.  “Since last year, a gl…

Man without mask immune to COVID “because he’s outside”

MISSISSAUGA – Local area man, Garth Fuller, is reportedly immune to COVID because “he’s outside” and therefore, is not required to wear a mask. “It’s something with the wind,” said Garth Fu…

Editorial: Woke cancel culture has gone too far and no, I don’t have any specific examples – by Rex Murphy

by Rex Murphy Well, the illiberal cultural warriors are at it again, imposing their dogmatic doctrines to cancel innocent citizens who don’t share their woke views, although no, I’m not currently…

Burger King attempts to topple British Royal Family as most regressive monarchy

MIAMI, FL – Following the tell-all Oprah interview with Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, fast food royalty Burger King tweeted “Women belong in the kitchen” in an attempt to overtake the Bri…

UK: don’t say bad things about our rich mummy

LONDON – The United Kingdom reacted with outrage to jokes about Queen Elizabeth II’s passing by demanding everyone stop saying bad things about their rich mummy. “Rich mummy was…