NORTH POLE – Santa Claus, the perennial bringer of Christmas joy, laid off 244 worker elves yesterday, while slashing hours and benefits to those who remain, citing costs of the Obamacare mandat...
Ikea Monkey admits that he is not a real news story
TORONTO – Darwin, the seven-month old Rhesus monkey apprehended at the North York Ikea yesterday evening has come forward to say that he regrets causing a “literal media circus.” Darwin was quic...
BREAKING: Sidney Crosby out for remainder of CBA negotiations with concussion-like symptoms
NEW YORK – The NHLPA suffered a serious blow today as Pittsburgh Penguins’ forward Sidney Crosby told reporters he will be out indefinitely after experiencing concussion-like symptoms. The sympt...
As winter recess approaches, supreme court judges prepare to hibernate
OTTAWA – Having written their last judgement and heard their final appeal for the year, the nine honourable members of Canada’s highest court spent last week preparing to enter their annua...
That’s just great! Red pants are finally in fashion the same year I get my darn legs severed in a motorcycle accident
By Amada Sweeps When it comes to fashion, I’m always ahead of my time, but honestly, I feel like the Gods, or some higher fashion power is stopping me from taking the credit I deserve. Red pants have ...
Egyptian president Mohamed Morsi acting like he doesn’t know what’s about to happen to him
EGYPT – With history about to repeat itself a mere two years since Hosni Murabak was ousted from his presidency and sentenced to life imprisonment, current Egyptian President Mohamed Morsi is ac...
Even Satan impressed by Salvation Army theft
HELL – The news of David Rennie’s involvement in the scandalous theft of $2 million worth of toys from the Salvation Army, a charitable organization for which he served as president, has impress...
