HELL – The news of David Rennie’s involvement in the scandalous theft of $2 million worth of toys from the Salvation Army, a charitable organization for which he served as president, has impressed the likes of Hell’s most notoriously evil members, including Hitler and Satan.
“I nearly spat out my drink when I heard the news,” said Adolf Hitler. “I thought I was a bad guy, but stealing children’s toys? Man, that’s ballsy.”
Lucifer, the fallen angel known for corrupting mankind, also took note of Rennie’s indiscretion. “I have to admit he turned a few heads around here.”
Still, despite his morally reprehensible act, Rennie will not be considered for admittance to Hell due to its no-businessman policy, a measure enacted long ago to curb the overwhelming amount of applications from CEOs, company presidents, and anyone from Wall Street.
