GUELPH, ON – In the wake of a military coup d’etat in Thailand that has thrown the country into chaos as protesters and soldiers do battle in the streets, local woman Steffanie Bruner has a…
World
Experts searching for Malaysian Flight 370 report ‘Fuck it, it was aliens’
SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA – Upon completing their submersible drone sweep of the floor of the Indian ocean, researchers searching for the missing Malaysian airline flight 370 say they have reached…
Road accidents spike following release of Jumanji: Travel Edition
NORTH AMERICA – The continent’s highways erupted in chaos today when thousands of elephants, rhinos, and giant spiders suddenly appeared in events related to the new popular travel ve…
G8 meetings a ‘lot less fun’ without Putin
BRUSSELS, BELGIUM – Following the suspension of Russian President Vladimir Putin from the Group of Eight, meetings between the world leaders have become “stiff”, “overly business-like”, and…
Celebrity visit to disaster zone helps replenish dwindling supply of celebrities
MANILA – In an act of entertainment humanitarianism, a famous celebrity visited a disaster zone to restock a dangerously low supply of renowned entertainers. “These people have nothing to a…
Ex-Pope Benedict caught playing mini-golf in cutoff jean shorts
THE HOLY SEE – Former Pope Benedict XVI has been spotted for the first time since his abrupt retirement playing a round of mini golf in the suburbs of Rome while sporting cutoff jean shorts. The …
EXCLUSIVE: Fate of missing Malaysian airplane finally conjectured upon
KUALA LUMPUR – Days after Malaysian Airlines flight MH370 mysteriously vanished without a trace, there is finally conjecture on just what exactly happened. “It took a lot of digging, but I …
After travel mix up, Stephen Harper accidentally signs free trade agreement with North Korea
PYONGYANG – After a pilot error took him to the wrong part of the Korean peninsula, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper mistakenly signed a free trade agreement with the North Korean Dem…
Kim Jung-un boasts to West about North Korea’s record low obesity rate
PYONGYANG – North Korea’s supreme leader Kim Jong-un has bragged to Western leaders about his country’s resoundingly low obesity rate. “The Americans tremble at the ferocity of our citizens…
Progressive Pope gives up celibacy for Lent
HOLY SEE – Continuing the trend of his liberal reign as Catholicism’s spiritual leader, Pope Francis I has announced that he will be giving up celibacy for Lent this year. As modern traditi…
