Stock market soars after banking cartel promises to keep pretending economy is real - The Beaverton

Stock market soars after banking cartel promises to keep pretending economy is real

Investors poured cash into the markets as central bank leaders from around the world met this week and announced that they would continue to maintain the illusion that the economic system was something more than a giant pyramid scheme designed to ensure the success of those operating it.

, Governor of the stated, “acting like that the success of Canada’s G.D.P. is dependent on rational indicators like productivity and job performance rather than the casual whims of a secret cabal of international financiers who have been pulling a long con on the common man since the industrial revolution seemed like the best way to ensure stable growth in both the short and long term”.

“We decided not to adjust the federal interest rate for much the same reason,” he added. 

The move was met with celebration by the cartel’s loyal pawns on wall street, who feared that revealing the fact that the average man has no chance to ever get ahead would put a damper on their annual bonus.

One prominent hedge fund manager championed the news saying “hey, Santa is only real because we believe in him”. 

At press time the was up 300 points and your chequing account had twenty five dollars in it. 

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