WASHINGTON – Upon his return from South Africa, President Obama announced his plan to honour Nelson Mandela by changing the name of the military prison Guantanamo Bay to “Mandela Cove”. “As I sai…
U.S.
Americans celebrate National Consumer Stampede Day
Richmond, VA – Embracing their capitalist roots, Americans have kicked off National Consumer Stampede Day with frenzied riots at department stores across the country. Thousands of people wa…
Blind-internet-frustration not covered by Obamacare
WASHINGTON – President Obama announced that people going blind with frustration over healthcare.gov politely crashing will not be able to get this condition covered once the website lets them sig…
Black man glad local frat is dressing up as him again this Halloween
CLEVELAND – When he learned that members of a local fraternity would be dressing up as the black man who lives next door, Andrew Thompson, the black man who lives next to Pi Gamma Gamma, wa…
Ariel Castro unable to tolerate being abused in a locked room for years
COLUMBUS, Ohio – On Wednesday, recently incarcerated criminal Ariel Castro was found hanging in his cell after he discovered he was unable to handle captivity. “The inmate apparently …
Texas executes 500th inmate, gets free sub
AUSTIN – The state of Texas passed a milestone last week, executing its 500th inmate since the Supreme Court overturned the ban on capital punishment in 1982, earning the state a free foot-…
US middle school makes trip to Toronto, Canada’s capital
ASHTABULA, OH – Ashtabula middle school students left on a field trip to Toronto this morning in an effort to see the northern nation’s capital city. “I’ll tell ya, it’s m…
NSA Thinks You Should E-Mail Your Mother More Often
WASHINGTON – Following the disclosure of their secret surveillance program, PRISM, sources inside the NSA have expressed concern that you’re not e-mailing your mother enough. “Your mother s…
FBI blames ultra-right conservative-anarchist North Korean Christian domestic terror cell that looks kind of Middle Easty
BOSTON – FBI investigators have definitively concluded that the bombings at the Boston Marathon were orchestrated by a fundamentalist Islamic terrorist cell supported by Kim Jong Un’s oppressive …
