Supporters of democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders have declared all-out online warfare against Purina One Smartblend cat food after their new commercial “utterly neglected” to make a…
U.S.
Jeb Bush drops out of race to spend more time with gun
COLUMBIA, S.C. – Following a fourth place finish in the South Carolina primary, Jeb Bush has ended his run for the Republican nomination citing his desire to put in some quality time with his new…
Apple vows to stop FBI from corrupting exploitation monopoly
CUPERTINO, CALIF. – In an open letter to consumers, Apple CEO Tim Cook promised to fight a recent court order forcing the company to assist the FBI in hacking San Bernadino shooter Sayed Farook’s…
Scalia declared dead in most popular ruling of his career
CIBOLO CREEK RANCH, TX – U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia was ruled dead by officials in west Texas this weekend, in what experts and colleagues agree is unquestionably the most popular …
Hillary tries to court younger voters by announcing that she is also voting for Bernie
WASHINGTON – Following Hillary’s loss in the New Hampshire primary, the Clinton Campaign has decided to connect with millennial voters by emphasizing that, like them, she is voting for Bernie San…
Martin Shkreli unable to resist punching own face
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former Pharmaceutical Company CEO and alleged securities fraudster Martin Skreli was unable to overcome to desire to punch himself repeatedly in his smirking, self-assure…
NRA recommends gun owners buy second gun to protect selves from first gun
FAIRFAX, VA – The NRA released a statement earlier today advising that all gun owners purchase an additional gun to be used in self-defense against the other guns they own. “Statistic after…
Obama begins State of the Union address with 58-minute sigh
WASHINGTON – Speaking to congress about what shape the country is in and what his plans are for the coming year, President Obama spent the first fifty-eight minutes of last night’s address …
Obama reportedly wearing beautiful sequin green dress to final State of the Union address
WASHINGTON DC — For his final State of the Union address, US President Barack Obama is reportedly wearing a stunning sequin green dress. Obama, who is expected to comment on such complicate…
NRA demands tougher regulations on presidential tears
WASHINGTON DC – Following a press conference where President Obama was moved to tears while discussing recent horrific mass shootings, the National Rifle Association has demanded that Congr…
