LONDON – On [date TBA] the United States basketball “dream team” defeated the [placeholder] team by a score of [placeholder] to 42. Kobe Bryant lead the scoring barrage with an unprecedente…
Sports
Leafs decide friendship more important than playoffs anyway
TORONTO – The Toronto Maple Leafs made a public statement today revealing that their friendship had, if anything, been strengthened by the team’s failure to make the playoffs for the …
Vancouver Canucks mascot returned to wild
VANCOUVER – Buckling under mounting pressure from animal rights activists, the Vancouver Canucks released their mascot, Fin the Whale, back into the wild earlier this week. Fin, a lovable k…
Phil Kessel injured after successfully making eye-contact with Dion Phaneuf
TORONTO – A smiling but badly injured Phil Kessel was rushed off the ice during a game last night after he managed to sustain eye-contact with teammate Dion Phaneuf. “We all heard a loud sn…
Man still unfit after training montage
OAKVILLE, ON – Local man Aaron Montague failed to complete a half-marathon last week, despite preparing with an hour-long training montage. “I did everything right,” Montague insisted. “I t…
Leafs to fans: No, you suck!
TORONTO – Toronto Maple Leafs GM Brian Burke and a few of his players called a surprise press conference Thursday afternoon to lash back at fans that have been unsupportive of the club’s po…
Joey Votto: ‘Can I have $10 million now?’
CINCINNATI, OH – In a telephone conversation with his agent shortly after winning the National League MVP, Cincinnati Reds first baseman Joey Votto repeatedly asked if he was now going to e…
