TORONTO – After spending thousands of dollars on season tickets and pre-game sushi only to see the Leafs lose again and again, local man and ACC Platinum Club member Winston Scott joined th…
Sports
Puppy Bowl rocked by accusations squeaky balls intentionally deflated
LOS ANGELES – Animal Planet executives have been inundated with accusations that the squeaky balls used during the annual Puppy Bowl were severely deflated to fit the needs of lead quarter …
Toronto Raptors donate $50,000 to struggling, underprivileged Maple Leafs
TORONTO – Following their best start in team history, the Atlantic Division leading Raptors spent yesterday donating money and resources to Toronto’s poor, needy NHL hockey team. “It feels …
Leafs retaliate against jersey throwing fans by throwing zamboni back at them
TORONTO – The Toronto Maple Leafs got revenge by throwing the Air Canada Centre’s Zamboni at the three Leafs fans who threw their jerseys onto the ice at Monday’s game against t…
Jonathan Bernier praises Magic Johnson for ending apartheid
TORONTO – Following an interview in which he claimed that Nelson Mandela was one of the athletes he grew up watching, Toronto Maple Leafs goalie Jonathan Bernier went on to state his admira…
God asks Jean Béliveau for two autographs, one for his son
HEAVEN’S GATES – After his recent passing, legendary Montreal Canadiens Jean Béliveau has already received a request for two autographs by God. “Holy flying Buddha!” exclaimed the deity for…
Report: Mark Messier somewhere inside the house
North Bay, ON – Although there has been no confirmed sighting, the Cameron family are convinced that NHL legend and friendly faced Rogers spokesman Mark Messier is somewhere in their house,…
Saskatchewan newlyweds fined for not wearing Roughriders jerseys in wedding photos
CARNDUFF, SK – Newlyweds Aimee and Nigel Toupin received a hefty fine from the provincial government this week for not wearing Saskatchewan Roughriders jerseys in any of their wedding photo…
Parents throw jerseys onto ice frustrated with struggling Timbits hockey team
PARRY SOUND – A struggling amateur hockey team for five and six year-olds has been dealt another blow after their disillusioned parents began throwing their Timbits fan jerseys onto the ice…
Only high school football player without concussion clearly not trying hard enough
CHATHAM, ON – While his high school team made the playoffs, a grade 11 linebacker has shown little effort in scoring a concussion this season. 16 year-old Chad Donaldson has repeatedly miss…
