Anywhere but TORONTO – After the Toronto Blue Jays have been barred from playing in their home city and rejected by Pittsburgh, the desperate team has stated they are willing to change thei…
Sports
Canada bans Blue Jays due to COVID, sucking
TORONTO – The federal government has announced that the Toronto Blue Jays will not be able to play home games in Toronto this year due to the COVID pandemic, and the fact that the team was …
Enlightened Edmonton CFL team discovers that money is more important than being racist
EDMONTON – The Edmonton Eskimos will change its name after the team’s corporate leadership discovered that having money is more important than being racist. In the wake of sponsors threaten…
Washington Redskins to change name to Cleveland Indians
WASHINGTON D.C. – Following intense pressure from multiple groups and the public at large, the Washington Redskins have proudly announced that they will be officially changing their team name to …
Saskatchewan man keeps reminding people that CFL season was postponed too
REGINA – Amidst conversations about the NHL, NBA and MLB seasons possibly resuming soon, local man Gord Marsh is reminding people that the CFL season was also postponed as a result of COVID…
Edmonton CFL team doubles down by adding Confederate flag
EDMONTON – Expressing their contempt for what they call “football-hating social justice warriors,” Edmonton Eskimos management have added a Confederate flag to their logo. Management explai…
NHL chooses Toronto as hub city due its fans having most experience watching other teams win
TORONTO – The NHL said today that choosing Toronto as one of its two playoff hub cities was a “no brainer” due to Leafs’ fans long experience watching other visiting teams celebrate playoff…
UFC Fight Island inhabitants resist allure of the Conch, establish socialist utopia
ABU DHABI – In the midst of preparation for UFC 251, officials and fighters have overcome the power of the bewitching Conch they stumbled upon, and set up a socialist system of government o…
Desperate TSN programmer just gonna start airing his high school hockey games
TORONTO – James Brennan, head of programming for TSN, is so desperate for some kind of sport to show the nation that he is just going to start playing full games of his high school hockey t…
Japan, IOC postpone all 2020 Olympic events except fencing
TOKYO – Amid the rising COVID-19 pandemic, the International Olympic Committee along with the Japanese government has released a statement confirming that while the majority of the summer g…
