GRIMSBY, ON ― 34-year-old Garret Larsen, boyfriend of local skip Eliza Dupont, has admitted that her tendency to compare their sex life to curling is starting to wear a little thin. “It was funny…
Sports
5 events to watch at the Olympics which we DEFINITELY remembered were happening
What, they’re still doing that? Like with Omicron and everything? I mean, hello, and welcome to the 2022 Winter Games happening in… wait until Wikipedia refreshes… Beijing! Wait, is that a typo? …
Winter Olympics add new event for cross-country infection
LAUSANNE, SWITZERLAND – In response to growing concerns about the highly-infectious Omicron variant, the International Olympic Committee has opted to do the right thing and add a new event …
Sheer possibility of Toronto being only Canadian team to make NHL playoffs enough to send Alberta man into rage
EDMONTON – Overhearing a sportscaster mention that the Toronto Maple Leafs could be the only Canadian team to make the playoffs this year has sent local man Dave Kilmartin into a full blown…
Beijing confirms they won’t cancel Winter Olympics since they already rented extra chairs
BEIJING – Officials from Beijing and the International Olympic Committee (IOC) confirmed this week that the 2022 Winter Olympics won’t be cancelled amidst rising COVID cases, as they have a…
Novak Djokovic loses final of Australian Immigration Detention Island Open
CHRISTMAS ISLAND, AUSTRALIA – After being detained by the Australian Border Force for failing to meet the country’s vaccination requirements ahead of the Australian Open, Novak Djokovic has enter…
Hockey fan called a hero after noticing Habs are bad at hockey
MONTREAL – A quick-thinking hockey fan is being praised as a hero after informing the Montreal Canadiens that the team is bad at playing hockey. Long-time Habs fan Patrick Martin quickly no…
COVID-19 wins World Juniors
EDMONTON – After a long and hard-fought tournament between some of the greatest under-20 hockey players from across the world, the International Ice Hockey Federation has declared COVID-19 the wi…
Leafs fan instinctively starts singing Hall & Oates anytime something good happens to him
TORONTO – After 3 years of hearing Hall & Oates hit ‘You Make My Dreams’ blast through Scotiabank Arena every time the Leafs score a goal, die-hard fan Matthew Minden has be…
Diplomats who spent 4 years training for Beijing Olympics furious over boycott
OTTAWA – After Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced a diplomatic boycott for the upcoming Beijing Olympics, Canada’s diplomats are expressing outrage that they spent so long traini…
