OTTAWA — Interim Conservative Leader Rona Ambrose is blasting the governing Liberals for a reckless budget that proposes no theoretical federal surplus. “Running an acknowledged deficit onc…
National
Study finds 70% of nation just spares
BURNABY, B.C. – A nationwide study at Simon Fraser University has revealed that 70% of all Canadians are just spares in case some of the other 30% stop working or aren’t available. “Let’s s…
Canadian Forces’ BattleMech procurement program $500 trillion over budget
OTTAWA – The auditor general has released a report finding that the cost of replacing the Canadian Forces’ aging Leopard tanks with 70 tonne, galactic Summoner OmniMechs has ballooned to $5…
Guy who shouts things at bus station granted Alberta legislature press pass
EDMONTON — “Ted the Truthmaker”, an Edmonton resident who enjoys yelling conspiracy theories about the government at commuters, was granted a press pass to the Alberta legislature yesterday…
Study: Exposure to billboard ads linked to unrealistic expectation that all women are 70ft tall
SASKATOON – A new study out of the University of Saskatchewan shows that men exposed to billboard advertisements slowly begin to assume that all women are blonde, thin, and gigantic. “In re…
Former teacher Trudeau cracking down on cell phones nationwide
OTTAWA – Calling on his training as a former french and math teacher, Prime Minister Trudeau has started cracking down on cellphone use across the country. “Look, I don’t want to be the bad…
Civil servants deployed to Iraq to train others in passive-aggressive conflict resolution
OTTAWA — The federal government has announced it will be deploying some 500 civil servant trainers to Iraq to teach their Iraqi counterparts in skills in unassertive forms of procrastinatio…
Media enters 7th day of in-depth Marie Henein wardrobe coverage
TORONTO – Canadian media outlets have entered day 7 of their expert trial reporting that gets the facts on exactly what Marie Henein is wearing and how good she looks while wearing it. “She…
Aviation museum recalls Canada’s fighter jets from ISIS conflict
OTTAWA – The national museum dedicated to the historic study of Canadian flight has recalled six CF-18s that were being used in the fight against the Islamic State. “We were happy to loan t…
