OAKLAND, CA – US President Donald Trump has issued trade sanctions against all of Canada’s three-pointers. The President applied Section 232 Trade Expansion Act which slapped a one-point fi…
National
Nation’s dads demand investigation into where the hell this moron learned how to drive
OTTAWA – The nation’s dads assembled on Parliament Hill today demanding that Transport Canada investigate where in the hell this moron learned how to drive and who exactly was the idi…
Canada replaces customary diplomatic gifts with customary shipping container full of household waste
OTTAWA – As per a new directive issued by Global Affairs, foreign dignitaries visiting Canada will be gifted with several shipping containers full of traditional Canadian household waste. T…
Rest of Canada wishes B.C. and Alberta would just get it over with and fuck already
EVERYWHERE IN CANADA EXCEPT ALBERTA AND B.C. – After months of squabbles between Alberta and B.C., the other Canadian provinces are sick and tired of seeing them at each other’s throa…
Emergency officials construct fake disaster zone for politicians to disrupt
OTTAWA – Government officials at the federal, provincial, and municipal levels have finished the construction of a fake flooded area to distract political leaders from disrupting real disas…
7 fun facts about Canada that are neither fun nor facts
Have you ever wanted to know obscure, pointless, and flat-out inaccurate facts about this great nation, which will also leave you feeling kinda bummed out? Well, have we got a list for you! Check…
Canadian officials wish garbage sent to Philippines had been labeled “drug lords” so it could have been disposed of, no questions asked
OTTAWA – Following Filipino President Rodrigo Duterte’s statement that he would “declare war” with Canada over a series of shipping containers of garbage sent to the Philippines years…
Alberta elects its first assistant trailer park supervisor as Premier
EDMONTON – The people of Alberta have elected Randy, an assistant trailer park supervisor from Nova Scotia, as their Premier for the next four years. With a majority of the seats the UCP is…
Trudeau always assumed he would be taken down by much sexier scandal
OTTAWA — Following criticism of his decision to oust Jody Wilson-Raybould from the Liberal caucus in the fallout of the SNC-Lavalin affair, Prime Minister Trudeau has replied that he always…
Nation’s short attention span reduces Heritage Minutes to Heritage Seconds
TORONTO – Historica Canada, the makers of the iconic Heritage Minutes, have announced they will no longer be creating 60 second-long clips due to Canadians’ short attention span. Instead, s…
