OTTAWA – Despite being just 2 years into a 4 year contract, local civil servant Justin Trudeau abruptly resigned on Sunday, and then simultaneously demanded a brand new 4 year contract. …
National
Conservatives outraged by new requirement of “a passport” to travel
OTTAWA – Canadian conservatives are throwing heavy criticism at the federal government for mandating passports for international travel. “What a terrible inconvenience our government has in…
Maclean’s Curse strikes again
WINNIPEG – With Brian Pallister announcing he will not seek re-election as Premier, another victim has fallen to the might of the Maclean’s Resistance Cover curse. “I knew when …
Canada changes national anthem to “O Fuck, Y’All, Here Comes Canada”
TOKYO – The Olympics’ closing ceremonies were interrupted by Canada’s confident new anthem, which announced itself with sirens and airhorns. After a hype man shouted “O fuck, y’all, here comes Ca…
Report: Canada just one big American shell corporation
PARIS, FR – After decades of research and investigation forensic accountants have determined that Canada, originally named 33256 Ltd, has been operating as a shell corporation for the congr…
“So I can’t wish people a ‘Happy Canada Day’ anymore?” asks man who has literally never done that
Bradford, ON – Local man Gerry Framer is outraged that the collective reckoning over whether Canada is a country that deserves to be celebrated in light of the atrocities we have committed …
Report: you can still get drunk and enjoy day off without it being in honour of Canada
OTTAWA – A new report has found that, despite what the media and your uncle claim, it is still possible to get drunk and enjoy July 1st without it being in honour of the country responsible…
Pressure to reopen border mounts as more and more wayward frisbees flung into U.S.
OTTAWA – With many Canadians spending time outside to enjoy the summer weather, the government is experiencing a strong push to reopen the border as an increasing number of errant frisbees …
Experts advise house hunting millennials to stop buying lattes and start forming exploitative development groups
TORONTO – After Core Development Group announced plans to buy a billion dollars worth of Canadian homes and convert them into rental units, financial advisers are telling millennials in the housi…
“This isn’t Canada” says man who has said “this isn’t Canada” every other time this happened in Canada
LONDON, ON – After a horrific and premeditated hate-crime took the lives of 4 Muslim people this weekend, local man Dave Travers took to social media to re-assure people that this kind of t…