OTTAWA – Justin Trudeau’s removal of all Liberal senators from his caucus yesterday has officially freed the senators up to fully commit to their responsibilities of not really doing anythi…
National
Fantino thanks veterans for bravely sacrificing services so Canadians can have a free and balanced budget
OTTAWA – Veterans Affairs Minister Julian Fantino made a public apology to veterans for showing up late to an important meeting, and also took the opportunity to thank them for their sacrif…
Trudeau removes pants after nation’s women demand greater transparency
OTTAWA – Liberal Leader Justin Trudeau has made a radical move in removing his pants after hearing the demands of many Canadian women for greater transparency in Canadian politics. The sudd…
Breakthrough deal made as Blackberry shareholders agree on Thai food
WATERLOO – Significant progress has been made at the troubled tech giant Blackberry after shareholders agreed that they should eat Thai food at the next meeting. The decision was made at 11…
Nation shocked when rural kid gets DUI
MIAMI – The nation expressed shock and disbelief earlier this week when a young native from a very small rural town in Ontario was arrested for driving under the influence. “Wait, you’re sa…
Goldman Sachs predicts Canadian dollar will fall after they artificially lower it
NEW YORK, NY – Goldman Sachs’ computer models have predicted that the value of the Canadian Dollar will lower by as much as 12 cents compared to the US dollar in 2014 after they use an asto…
New study finds that studies are very important
OTTAWA – A new study by the recently defunded Carleton University research institute has concluded that studies are very useful and should be commissioned much more often. “Our resear…
Nation wonders if guy who ‘loves winter’ also likes getting fucking choked to death
CANADA – After weeks of relentless cold, the nation wondered today whether local man Jake Bryans still thought Winter was “The best season”, and also whether he thought it would be fun if a…
York University Dean supports student’s religious right to Aztec human sacrifice
TORONTO – After permitting a student to be excused from course work on religious grounds so he would not have to publicly interact with female peers, the Dean of York University is also per…
Pot-smoking Mountie can’t stop laughing at uniform
FREDERICTON – A Mountie who uses medicinal marijuana couldn’t stop giggling at his red serge when he returned it yesterday pending an unrelated assault trial. “Dude, this is just like……
