CAMBRIDGE, ON – At Green Lake Retirement Community on Thursday, Bertha Hallsworth, 82, was just making up names and stories about the pictures of people while looking at a photo album with …
Local
White man pretty sure he needs to weigh in on this conversation
TORONTO – As racial tensions rise, LGBTQ issues become mainstream, and women’s rights are attacked, local Caucasian male Robert Wiser finally feels he has been silent for long enough. “I th…
Former high school sweet hearts reunite 30 lbs later
Mississauga, ON – Former high school sweethearts, Ashley Richards and Derek Knobely, have reignited their love after he gained 20 pounds and she added several inches to her waistline. “Orig…
Man lives in Moose Jaw of his own free will
MOOSE JAW, SK – Sources report that Greg Abbott, 36, recently moved to Moose Jaw as a personal choice, done without any sort of coercion. “I like it here,” said the inventory manager, who m…
Top 10 Saskatchewan hockey rinks to take a piss in
Now that hockey season is starting to come to an end, and spring has almost sprung, it’s time for The Beaverton’s annual review of the best Saskatchewan hockey rinks we pissed in this…
Stuart McLean takes 45 minutes to vividly describe directions in a small town
WINGHAM, ON – CBC’s Vinyl Cafe host Stuart McLean spent nearly an hour explaining detailed and poetic directions to American tourists on how to get to the local museum in a small Ontario to…
All hockey parents must be accompanied with a responsible child, decrees local arena
VICTORIA – A Victoria arena’s policy has ruled that all hockey parents must be escorted by a responsible child at all times while they are on the premises. “We’ve had several instances wher…
Comedy visionary dreamed of a world that made more sense to him
When starting a website that you want to become the premiere source of satire and comedy writing in a country, you need things. Money, business contacts, endorsements from prominent people. Laure…
‘Roommate wanted’ ad obviously posted by giant spider
TORONTO – Alert apartment hunters have notified the popular classified site, Kijiji, that one of their ‘roommate wanted’ ads has obviously been posted by a giant hungry spider. “I am …
