EDMONTON — “I’ll remember where I put this receipt in case I need to use the warranty on my new phone,” lied local man Aaron Hayes to himself this morning. “This was an expensive purchase, so I w…
Local
Everyone on subway trying not to pet seeing eye dog
TORONTO – A tense standoff is currently taking place on a TTC subway car between its passengers and a guide dog that everyone is desperately trying not to touch. “I’m terrified I’m actually going…
Dumbest man you know doing pretty well these days
OTTAWA — College friend Brandon Ward, a man you know to be dumb as bricks, is reportedly doing pretty well these days. According to sources which include Facebook, the Facebook app, and your frie…
Woman dies from third degree burns after finding perfect shower temperature
EDMONTON – In a tragic domestic incident yesterday, 30-year-old Mandy Whitehouse died from horrific burns covering almost her entire body, after finally finding a shower temperature that was warm…
“Don’t Walk” sign sometimes counts down to green light just to fuck with people
TORONTO – An errant pedestrian crossing light has recently been revealed to deploy a countdown from 15 to 0 only to end up in a green light in a bid to screw with the minds of local citizens. “I’…
Male stripper’s navy uniform well below Canadian Armed Forces dress standard
MONTREAL – A male stripper posing as a member of the navy was heckled by a bachelorette party for improperly wearing his uniform before it was suggestively removed to the tune of the Villag…
Couple with great sex life looking to spice things up in the kitchen
KELOWNA, BC – After two years of consistently mind blowing sex, Greg Hayes and Lauren Morgan Clark are ready to take their relationship to the next level and start cooking together. “Greg a…
Woman who gave stranger directions spotted frantically checking Google Maps two minutes later
VANCOUVER – Onlookers were shocked today when they witnessed a woman confidently give a lost motorist directions and then moments later pull out and check Google Maps. “I remember thinking,…
Local woman adds additional book on productivity to impressive collection of half-read books on productivity
TORONTO – After a shopping trip to the Eaton Centre earlier today, Michelle Johnson returned home with yet another book on productivity to add to her already vast collection of never finish…
Millennial lottery winner excited to finally quit one of his five jobs
VANCOUVER – Thirty-one year old lottery winner Michael R. Fernandez announced today that his recent winnings will allow him to finally hand-in his notice of resignation at one of the five j…
