CALGARY – A jaywalker was hit by a school bus while trying to cross the street this morning in an incident described by onlookers as tragicomic. Witnesses say the jaywalker, 23-year-old Meg…
Local
Internet cafe user caught peaking into neighbouring Internet cafe user’s booth
WINNIPEG – Last Thursday at a Portage Avenue Internet café, an elderly man peeked into the booth beside the one he was using. The neighbouring booth was occupied at the time by a pair of st…
Annoying writers exclaim ‘news brief’ following any observation they make
THE BEAVERTON – Two self-absorbed writers for a Canadian fake news publication believe nearly everything they say is worth publishing for the enjoyment of others. Anytime one of the writers says …
Pedestrian not sure if defecated on by bird
TORONTO – A man walking west on Bloor Street near Spadina Ave. believes a pigeon may have defecated on his cheek and right shoulder earlier this morning, but he is unsure. “Could have been …
Area man finally builds up nerve to buy rope from sex shop
TORONTO – A student at Ryerson University spent nearly one hour at a sex shop on Queen St. West building up the nerve to add a bundle of rope to his shopping cart. Mitch Gagnon, 21, spent m…
Cinnabon employee called ‘chief’
BURLINGTON, ON – A cashier at a local Cinnabon was addressed as ‘chief’ yesterday. Bill Pitkin, owner of an Oshawa-based landscaping company, had just finished a big meal at Eas…
Pizza restaurant lost thousands trying to honour 40 minutes or it’s free guarantee over G20 weekend
TORONTO – A downtown Pizza Pizza franchise on Queen St. E. suffered thousands of dollars in lost sales over the weekend trying to honour its time guarantee of delivering a pizza in less tha…
Machismo exhibited by carrying lots of groceries in one trip
TORONTO – Local resident Jeff Saunders impressed onlookers on Hartford Street when he carried fourteen bags of groceries from his car up to his apartment in one trip, sources reported last …
Man refuses jail solely on basis of last name
EVANSVILLE, IN – What’s in a name? Freedom, according to one man. Jason Freeman, 37, refused to go to prison yesterday after being convicted for aggravated assault, arguing that his l…
Botched handshake embarrasses local man
HAMILTON, ON – Local resident Mark Sanford, 24, ruined his chances of making friends with two cool dudes yesterday when an introductory handshake went horribly wrong. Sanford’s friend…
