TORONTO – Ontario’s Health and Long Term Care Minister Christine Elliott says that she’s making cuts to local health agencies to correct the inefficiencies in the spread of measles as well …
Health
Man who just open mouthed sneezed into your ear is pretty sure it’s just allergies
JASPER, AB — On her usual morning commute, Ainsley Stephens, 26, has been informed that the strange man who sneezed into her ear without covering his mouth “has allergies, not a cold,…
Pro-vaccine conspiracy theorists demand measles inoculation be added to CIA’s chemtrail program
PORTLAND, OR – A group of concerned conspiracy theorists is demanding the US government add the measles vaccine to the CIA’s population control, experimentation, and chemical warfare chemtr…
“Have you tried meditating?” says woman who just appeared out of nowhere
BANFF, AB — While attempting to enter her car after a particularly stressful day, bank teller Chelsea Ponte was cornered by a woman out of nowhere asking if she had considered meditating as…
Anti-citrus parents believe “a touch of scurvy” leads to better outcomes in child pirates
SPANISH MAIN – Believing that a bout of scurvy during childhood can lead to a young swashbuckler who is stout of heart and strong of arm, some parents are aggressively touting the benefits …
Documents reveal anti-vaccination Facebook groups funded by ‘Big Child Coffin’
WASHINGTON DC – Exposing greedy corporate propaganda, an industry watchdog group has obtained leaked internal documents that demonstrate a direct connection between popular anti-vaccination…
Local man using cigarettes to quit vaping
WINNIPEG — After years of failing to quit the “disgusting habit” of vaping, Andrew Bunns has finally weaned himself off it by burning Tobacco and then inhaling the smoke, colloquially known…
Health agency brings back smallpox to teach everyone an important lesson about vaccination
WINNIPEG – The Public Health Agency of Canada has announced that it has reintroduced the deadly and highly infectious smallpox virus back into the human population so everyone learns the ha…
Five adorable Victorian fashion accessories to go with your child’s measles
The 19th century is back in vogue with a recent uptick in measles, mumps and irrational distrust of life saving medical procedures. But it’s not just healthcare that is going back 180 years, it’s…
B.C. Parents furious after discovering son’s hidden vaccine stash
VICTORIA – Two B.C. parents advised today that they weren’t sure where they went wrong with their 12 year old son Henry after finding a stash of vaccines in his sock drawer. “We’ve told him…
