CALGARY – After conducting an exhaustive longitudinal study of scientific research done over the last 60 years, scientists at the University of Calgary have officially confirmed that Clamat…
Food
Vancouver patios install scarecrows to ward off young people
VANCOUVER – Due to the recent spike in Covid-19 cases among people under 40, Vancouver restaurants have resorted to installing scarecrows on their patios in hopes that it will deter the hoa…
In push for racial unity, white woman volunteers to try jerk chicken
TORONTO – In solidarity with the Black Lives Matter movement and in an attempt to solve racial unrest once and for all, a local white woman volunteered to try jerk chicken for the very firs…
Local man eats ghost pepper as excuse to finally cry around his friends
Hamilton, ON – Twenty-six year old Julian Tormeida was recently spotted on an endorphin fueled rush as he finally cried in front of his childhood friends due to the assistance of cleverly p…
Despite food shortages, grocery stores report massive surplus of gluten free products
EDMONTON – While the COVID-19 quarantine has resulted in some grocery stores dealing with food shortages, availability of gluten-free products remains at an all-time high. “People are despe…
Despite food shortages, grocery stores report massive surplus of gluten free products
TORONTO – While the COVID-19 quarantine has resulted in some grocery stores dealing with food shortages, availability of gluten-free products remains at an all-time high. “People are desper…
Report: Jessica acting like a real domestic slut ever since she got a Le Creuset Dutch Oven
RICHMOND HILL, ON – Upon acquiring a $500 Le Creuset brand dutch oven, sources are reporting that Jessica Sanghvi has been acting like a notoriously domesticated slut by spending the majori…
Delusional sports bar owner believes customers will order from his takeout menu
CALGARY – Completely misreading his clientele, the owner of Nutter’s Sports Bar and Grill believes there will be high demand for the unremarkable items on his takeout menu. Brad Furst’s 17th Aven…
Deformed sourdough unceremoniously buried under the cover of night
Orillia, ON – What began as one quarantined woman’s attempt at bringing yet another sourdough bread into the world, has ended in tragedy as the severely disfigured loaf is currently being u…
Local Sommelier just fuckin’ guessing
Niagara, ON – The wine-loving community was shocked today to learn that local Sommelier Jacob Tillaney has been absolutely just fuckin’ guessing every time he gives tasting notes for a bott…
