TORONTO – The closure of comedy venues across the city this summer due to the coronavirus has caused an outbreak of Toronto’s shittiest and most offensive comedians to spread outside into public …
Culture
Schitt’s Creek Emmy sweep inspires Canadian government to add another nickel to arts funding jar
OTTAWA – After the beloved Canadian sitcom Schitt’s Creek walked away from yesterday’s Emmy Awards with 9 wins, the Canadian government was so buoyed by the show’s success that it decided to add …
Zack Snyder releases Justice League “Perfect Cut” which begins at end credits
HOLLYWOOD – Justice League fans are raving after Zack Snyder finally releases his perfect cut of the Justice League film which cuts everything except the end credits. “There was just so muc…
Report: All Samuel Beckett’s plays originally ended with the words “GET IT??????”
PARIS – Leading Beckett scholars have revealed that, before they were published or put on stage, every one of Samuel Beckett’s plays would conclude with Beckett writing “GET IT?????” in big…
Netflix adds Canada filter to American shows by removing scenes where characters wear shoes inside the house
TORONTO – Netflix Canada has announced a bold plan to make American movies and tv shows feel more familiar to Canadian audiences by editing out any scene where characters inexplicably wear …
Trailer for new Kevin James film confirms: Kevin fall down go boom
Trailers for Kevin James’ latest Netflix film “Bonk if You’re Horny” confirmed that this summer; big dumb toenail Kevin James fall down, much bang, head go boom. Directed by a shook up can of pil…
Kidz Bop writer suffers nervous breakdown after failing to write kid-friendly version of ‘WAP’
PETERBOROUGH – Jeanette Cummings, 41, was rushed to the hospital with symptoms of a total nervous breakdown after being contracted to write a clean, kid-oriented version of Cardi B hit ‘WAP…
Local woman’s bike shorts desperate to know to touch of bike seat just once
TORONTO – When lab technician, Sabrina Aleppo, acquired a pair of 7” inseam bike shorts, she did not expect to be tasked with mitigating the shorts’ desperate need to actually ride a bike. …
Local woman’s bike shorts desperate to know to touch of bike seat just once
TORONTO – When lab technician, Sabrina Aleppo, acquired a pair of 7” inseam bike shorts, she did not expect to be tasked with mitigating the shorts’ desperate need to actually ride a bike. …
Uranus tired of being a punchline, would like to explore its dramatic side
OUTER SOLAR SYSTEM – The seventh planet from the sun is done being treated as a joke and is demanding humanity start taking it and its dramatic aspirations seriously. “Neptune doesn’t have …
