TORONTO – After acquiring Shoppers Drug Mart three years ago Loblaw Companies Limited has announced plans to merge the Optimum and PC Plus rewards plans into a single card you always mean t…
Business
Millennials applaud new PC Optimum points as the only retirement plan they can afford
TORONTO – After recently buying Shoppers Drug Mart, Loblaw’s has merged the nation’s two most popular consumer loyalty points programs into the PC Optimum points program, finally giving mil…
Sephora launches new service where they break into your home and put makeup on you while you sleep
SAN FRANCISCO – Makeup retailer Sephora has introduced a new program where one of their employees will break into your home in the middle of the night and do your makeup for you while you s…
Pizza Pizza celebrates 50th anniversary by ordering Dominos for entire office
TORONTO – In order to celebrate serving what could be described as pizza for 50 years, Pizza Pizza bought all their employees Dominos for lunch. “Everyone is super excited to be rewarded for our …
Inspiring! Company sex robot appointed first female CEO of Uber
SAN FRANCISCO – Uber, the world-conquering ride share and regulation-dodging app, has taken the bold step of appointing its first ever female CEO: Ashlynn Haze, the company sex robot. “We realize…
Siblings irate after father buys golden child a better criminal defense attorney
VANCOUVER – Facing the possibility of life sentences, siblings Lee and Elton Konig were furious to find out today that golden child, James Jr., was getting a better criminal defense attorne…
Sex robot makers are buckling to PC pressure and refusing to make one that looks exactly like my mother
By Harold Bilfat In today’s world, self-actualization is valued above all else. Political correctness tells us everyone is special, and we can be whoever we want to be. Yet, on one subject, polit…
Duolingo app keeps telling people to kill in multiple languages
SILICON VALLEY – Popular languages app duolingo has begun using its friendly, interactive interface to instruct millions of people trying to improve their second language to commit brutal, …
Morneau: Small business owners can continue income sprinkling if they spend one night in haunted house
OTTAWA—Backtracking on controversial reforms, Finance Minister Bill Morneau announced that small businesses would be allowed to keep certain tax advantages, provided they survive one night in a h…
Boss wondering politely if Jewish holidays over yet
CALGARY – Recent developments out of Calgary have suggested that your boss has once again begun the polite but sincere vocal inquiries as to whether the Jewish holidays are finally done and you w…
