MONTREAL – Mobile game development house Kyoho Games has announced that their new free downloadable release – Block Exploder – allows players the option to pay a small premium f…
Business
New winter boots promise to make your feet either extremely hot or a little wet
TORONTO – Boot manufacturers throughout Canada have finally given up and announced that all boots bought for winter 2019 will either make your feet uncomfortably hot or a little wet. “Have …
Nation’s Netflix subscription now costs a dollar more than previous rate of “I have no idea what I’m paying”
LOS GATOS, CA – Canadian Netflix subscribers are about to pay a dollar more per month than whatever they’ve been paying up to now, which, honestly, no one can remember. The streaming compan…
Report: Facebook pretty much just pet obituaries now
TORONTO – A new report released by the University of Toronto suggests that 90% of recent Facebook posts are messages of love for recently deceased domestic animals. The social media site, once va…
Wikipedia shuts down due to crippling $3.00 deficit
SAN FRANCISCO – Internet encyclopedia Wikipedia revealed today that it will cease operation after suffering an insurmountable deficit of $3.00 this fiscal year. “Our accountants said …
Maclean’s doing their best to one-up that time they said Canadian universities were “Too Asian”
TORONTO – Canadian news magazine Maclean’s has announced that their current cover, which features five white male conservative politicians unironically labelled as “The resistance,” was an …
Ford announces new Ontario license plate slogan “washrooms are for customers only”
QUEEN’S PARK – Shortly after unveiling Ontario’s new “Open for Business” border signs, Premier Ford has announced that the province’s iconic “yours to discover” license plates will be discontinue…
Editorial: I hate cannabis but I love dangerous speculative investing. What am I to do?
I despise marijuana. While the rest of Canada has decided to succumb to reefer madness, I still hold true to what I was taught in my health lessons at school and numerous all-star cartoon special…
Dollarama already stocking decorations for your funeral
MONTREAL – Despite the event being at least several months away, Dollarama, the nation’s largest dollar store chain, has already begun stocking decorations for your funeral. As early as la…
Backpack designers add separate compartment for the rotting fruit you’ve forgotten about
TORONTO – For the added convenience of the forgetful person, developers of backpacks and handbags are adding an additional compartment for all of the decomposing pieces of fruit that you pu…
