OTTAWA — Reports have confirmed that senior HR administrator Sheryl Leon prevented her colleague, financial analyst Lauren Thomas, from opening the door to a bathroom stall containing a clogged toilet with the seriousness of a seasoned police detective protecting a new recruit from a grisly murder scene.
“I was really taken aback by her intensity at first,” Thomas told reporters, looking relieved but shaken. “I was like, it’s just a clogged toilet, how bad could it be?”
“But then I got a good look in her eyes. And I realized she wasn’t it wasn’t an ego trip. She wasn’t angry. She was scared.”
The incident reportedly began when Thomas entered the bathroom and noticed that Leon was a little agitated while leaning over a sink to apply makeup.
“I figured at first she must just be nervous about a presentation or something. Then I went to go into the second stall down. She grabbed both of my shoulders and shook me so hard I thought I was going to cry. She looked me dead in the eyes and said very, very slowly, ‘Don’t go in there.’”
“It makes me wonder what happened in there,” she added.
When questioned about the specifics of the clog in the toilet, Leon was cagey.
“Look, let me make sure you understand one true thing; if you had seen what I’d seen, you’d want to protect people from it too,” she said, taking a long pull on a bottle of scotch kept in the back of her desk for “days like this”.
“I’ve seen some bad times in that bathroom, but I’ve never seen anything like that in 20 years on this floor. Something like that, I you just can’t unsee,” she added with a shudder.
Although HR has reportedly stated that the toilet situation “was being dealt with”, the identity of the perpetrator remains unclear, ostensibly due to departmental policy.
“I heard about something like this 5, ten years back,” HR specialist Ann Merque told reporters. “I assumed the sicko who did it had moved on to another marketing firm.”
“Guess I was wrong.”