EDMONTON – In response to an industry-wide glut caused by an inability to get its oil to Pacific tankers, the Notley government has decreed that every Albertan travelling to the West Coast …
Alberta
Comrade Kenney demands Alberta politburo lower oil quotas
EDMONTON – Comrade Jason Kenney, member of the United Commissar Party is demanding Premier Notley’s politburo decrease oil production by 10 percent. Comrade Kenney made a stirring speech ra…
Calgary euthanizes aging Olympic mascots
CALGARY – With the fate of the Calgary Winter Olympics bid rejected by the public in a plebiscite, beloved 1988 Winter Olympic mascots Hidy and Howdy were euthanized yesterday. Those in fav…
Alberta looking for loving billionaire parents to adopt province’s 2000 orphan oil wells
EDMONTON – The government of Alberta is putting out a call today to find billionaires willing to take on the responsibility of caring for the province’s 2000 orphaned oil and gas wells aban…
Jason Kenney claims he has ‘evolved’ from an anti-LGBTQ politician to one who doesn’t admit it while being recorded
CALGARY – After a recording released this week revealed that, in 2000, UCP leader Jason Kenney took strong positions against gay marriage and gay adoption, Kenny is defending himself by poi…
Edmonton hockey fans counting down the days until Oilers are mathematically eliminated from playoffs
EDMONTON — As the Oilers took the ice for their final exhibition game Saturday night, Jeff Kawchuk and Doug Mason stood behind the end boards beaming like kids on Christmas Eve. “175 days,”…
Calgary Herald on normalizing sexual assault in high school: ‘We all write dumb things at our age’
CALGARY – The Calgary Herald’s editorial board justified publishing a column that claimed men should not be held accountable for sexual assault in high school by using a similar excuse sayi…
Study: Doing yoga makes you three times more likely to tell people you do yoga
CALGARY — Scientists at the University of Calgary have discovered that the most likely outcome of committing to a yoga regime is telling people that you do yoga. Dr. Gerald Rutker went into…
Notley sets fire to Banff National Park to protest pipeline ruling
BANFF, AB – Alberta’s Premier Rachel Notley announced that she will be destroying Banff National Park to protest the Federal Court of Appeal’s decision to block the construction of the Tran…
Suspicious unattended bag just happy to be noticed
CALGARY — Doing its best to remain humble, a Dunlop overnight bag left unattended at the city’s International Airport is reportedly drawn the attention of onlookers as well as the Calgary B…
