TORONTO – Local commuter Jeff Saunders impressed passengers on a subway car when he abstained from holding the pole as the train came to a halt, sources reported last week. As the subway de…
Guy that lives in suburbs tells everyone he lives downtown
PICKERING, ON – Suburban citizen Jake Laysley tells everyone he meets that he lives downtown, despite the 1.5-hour driving commute it takes him to arrive in Toronto from his house in Picker…
Vancouver Canucks mascot returned to wild
VANCOUVER – Buckling under mounting pressure from animal rights activists, the Vancouver Canucks released their mascot, Fin the Whale, back into the wild earlier this week. Fin, a lovable k…
Dejected Rob Ford builds model subway line linking basement rec room to basement storage room
TORONTO – Despite pleas from all his sane family members not to go through with it, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has invested thousands of household dollars to build a model subway line linking h…
Parents can’t decide who favourite kid is
WINNIPEG, MA – After discussing the matter at length, Becky and Ricky Calder are still unable to decide which of their two kids is their favourite. “Jenny’s got a lot going for her in the l…
North Korea looking for used rockets on Craigslist
PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA – Following their failed rocket launch two weeks ago, North Korea’s scientists are scrapping their research and development program to concentrate on obtaining a work…
Fourth grader quits school to set off for better life
KITCHENER, ON – Fed up with the 9-3 grind, fourth grader Tim Eldow has decided to call it quits and search for a better life. “The whole lifestyle just wasn’t doing it for me anymore,” the …
Couple attending different online colleges decide they will try to make it work
GUELPH, ON – Faced with different online colleges and the strain it might place on their relationship, high school sweethearts Jeff Breadle and Stacey Middlenan have decided to try and make…
Canadian penny gets the boot
Ottawa will phase out the Canadian penny later this year because it costs 1.6 Canadian cents to produce each coin. What’s your say? “This might be the big break my uncle needs to create int…
