VATICAN CITY – In addition to his sudden resignation as leader of the Catholic Church, Pope Benedict XVI shocked the College of Cardinals by refusing to give up his ceremonial mitre. “I can no lo…
In response to Ontario, Alberta elects first openly bigoted premier
EDMONTON – The province of Alberta has responded to the news of Ontario’s recently elected openly gay premier two weeks ago by making history of their own with the election of Canada’s firs…
Brazeau assault first thing a Senator has done in years
OTTAWA – Senator Patrick Brazeau’s recent arrest for domestic assault has shocked the country and caused his ejection from the Conservative caucus. But it has caused perhaps the most outrage in t…
York U plan to end violence against women on campus: stop admitting female students
TORONTO – In response to a rash of violent sexual assaults against women students at York University’s Keele Campus in 2012, the school’s President Mamdouh Shoukri claims the institution ha…
Groundhog sees Jungian shadow, predicts everlasting winter of the soul
WIARTON, ON – Meteorologists were flabbergasted today when Wiarton Willie, the popular weather rodent, emerged from his burrow and was frightened by the sight of the dark, undesirable aspec…
Newfoundland spelling bee impossible to judge
ST JOHN’S, NL – A national spelling bee contest held in Newfoundland was cancelled this morning when judges deemed it was too difficult to determine what letters were being said aloud. “Hal…
Steven Harper commissions detailed report on human emotion
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Stephen Harper has called on his council of Cabinet members to provide him with a detailed report on human emotion. Included in the request made earlier in the week,…
Ontario Liberals historically elect first high-cheekboned, bespectacled premier who was also born in 1953
TORONTO – Political history was made in Toronto over the weekend when Kathleen Wynne became the first Liberal Leader of Ontario that wears glasses while having high cheekbones and who is op…
