EDINBURGH – Responding to public outcry and concern over the recent scandal involving traces of horsemeat found in UK beef products, Scotland’s Food Standards Agency released a statement to…
Woman stabs coworker over Downton Abbey spoilers
MISSISSAUGA – In reaction to hearing important plot elements from an unreleased episode of Downton Abbey, 56-year-old administrative assistant Deborah Dean lashed out at her company’s 22-year-old…
UPDATE: Pope resigns to spend more time with kids
VATICAN CITY – Pope Benedict XVI announced his intention to resign from the Papacy on Sunday, and sources close to the Pope are saying he’s excited to spend more time with kids. “He’s got a lot o…
Pope resigns, refuses to give up hat
VATICAN CITY – In addition to his sudden resignation as leader of the Catholic Church, Pope Benedict XVI shocked the College of Cardinals by refusing to give up his ceremonial mitre. “I can no lo…
In response to Ontario, Alberta elects first openly bigoted premier
EDMONTON – The province of Alberta has responded to the news of Ontario’s recently elected openly gay premier two weeks ago by making history of their own with the election of Canada’s firs…
Brazeau assault first thing a Senator has done in years
OTTAWA – Senator Patrick Brazeau’s recent arrest for domestic assault has shocked the country and caused his ejection from the Conservative caucus. But it has caused perhaps the most outrage in t…
York U plan to end violence against women on campus: stop admitting female students
TORONTO – In response to a rash of violent sexual assaults against women students at York University’s Keele Campus in 2012, the school’s President Mamdouh Shoukri claims the institution ha…
Groundhog sees Jungian shadow, predicts everlasting winter of the soul
WIARTON, ON – Meteorologists were flabbergasted today when Wiarton Willie, the popular weather rodent, emerged from his burrow and was frightened by the sight of the dark, undesirable aspec…
