We asked the biggest names in Canadian politics what they hope to accomplish in the new year. Here is what they had to say:…
“Counting games in hand we’re only the 2nd worst team in the East,” says Sens fan who picked them to make Conference Finals
OTTAWA – Having earned only 22 points the Ottawa Senators are last in the eastern conference standings. But given their games in hand they’re actually only second worst, as Sens fans …
Most popular Christmas Gifts in each Province
Canadians buy a lot of Christmas Presents. And while most should be from the Beaverton Merch Store, some aren’t. Here is our list of the most popular Christmas Presents in every province. N…
Leafs fake injury to star rookie goaltender to save 750k on the Cap
TORONTO – The Toronto Maple Leafs plan to circumvent the NHL’s Salary Cap continued again last night, with the team staging an obviously fake injury to Joseph Woll in order to save on…
Danielle Smith unveils Sovereignty Act Precogs able to tell when federal laws are unconstitutional before they pass
EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Danielle Smith responded to criticism over her use of the Sovereignty Act to try to disqualify federal clean energy regulations that aren’t in place yet by …
Worst job in every province
Due to capitalism and the fact that we weren’t all born into the Weston family, Canadians work lots of jobs. Here are the worst ones in each province. Newfoundland: The cod everyone kisses …
Fuck it, let’s do some Connor McDavid trade proposals to see how mad they make Oilers fans
The Edmonton Oilers suck. And not just how they’ve usually sucked for most of our lives. This was a team considered to be a Stanley Cup favourite by every NHL analyst who forgot that goalte…
Airbnb hosts react to the Liberals’ crackdown on short term rentals
Ottawa has announced plans to curb income tax deductions for short term rental property owners as part of a push to get these properties back on the rental market. We asked several Airbnb hosts h…
“The wisest people are those that admit when they are wrong,” says man ready to acknowledge that William Nylander is good
TORONTO – Local man Mark Williamson has found the courage within himself to admit that, despite his previous claims, William Nylander is actually one of the best players on the Maple Leafs.…
How to protest mass slaughter without inconveniencing anyone
As Israel continues to bombard Gaza, causing the deaths of thousands of civilians, you may be wondering how to properly protest without causing a huge scene or bothering people just trying to enj…
