NEWARK — After being snubbed by the Best Western International® Awards Committee for the fourth consecutive year, the staff at a local Best Western feared it may never recapture the fleeting glor…
Worried man had that dream about sexy green M&M again
BRIDGEWATER, NH — After a few consecutive nights of uninterrupted sleep, local man Richard McDowell recently expressed alarm after he once again had that dream about the seductive Miss Green M&am…
Oscar organizers begin thawing of Jack Nicholson
BEVERLY HILLS, CA — With the Oscars tonight, Hollywood cryogenicists are quickly defrosting of 79-year-old legendary film actor Jack Nicholson to attend. The acclaimed Batman and Terms of Endearm…
Anxiety-ridden 23-year-old with no particular career ambition considering law school
TORONTO — Despite lacking any discernible passions or occupational goals, University of Toronto graduate Jessica Breslin recently announced that she was strongly considering a career in the legal…
Nation’s moms really looking forward to ice dancing portion of Winter Olympic Games
Winkler, MB — Admitting that they didn’t much care for any of the other televised sporting events, the nation’s mothers told reporters this week that they simply cannot wait to watch all the ice …
Super Bowl halftime show to feature local improv troupe to warm up crowd
East Rutherford, NJ — In an effort to “bring up the energy” inside the MetLife stadium following the end of the second quarter, Super Bowl organizers have invited local improv troupe, The Chuckle…
Tarantino scraps film after leaked screenplay reveals movie involves revenge
HOLLYWOOD — Writer and director Quentin Tarantino recently announced that he no longer intends to produce his upcoming western film, Hateful Eight, after a major leak revealed that the movie will…
34-year-old father barely has time to operate Twitter parody account
KITCHENER – Citing a hectic work schedule and a seemingly endless list of obligations to his wife and children, local husband and father Jason Forrey recently lamented that there were simply not …
Utah legalizes homophobic marriage
SALT LAKE CITY — Following a landmark ruling from the U.S. Supreme Court earlier this week, Utah will continue to grant thousands of openly homophobic couples the right to wed. “It’s a huge relie…