UNKNOWN — A routine voyage to The Bowl was beset by tragedy this morning, when a straggling Cheerio fell into the unmapped nether region between the plastic bag and cereal box. The oat morsel wa…
Woman at front of water fountain line filling 200-litre oil drum
Burnaby, BC – Citing the extraordinarily long line-up she had caused, patrons of a local GoodLife Fitness Center recently expressed annoyance at a woman using the location’s only water fountain t…
Progressive company introduces unisex boardrooms
MONTREAL – In an effort to promote inclusivity within their company, mutual fund giant QPM Investments has announced a bold new plan to introduce unisex boardrooms. “In 2017, having separate coun…
Mom and Dad tag-team to remember boring anecdote
TORONTO – In an inspiring display of teamwork, local parents Al and Mary Dickinson joined forces on Friday to regale their son with a completely boring anecdote. “What a trip!” Mary announced sho…
Rescue workers untangle Ralph Goodale from giant ball of Christmas lights
OTTAWA — Rescue workers rushed to Parliament Hill earlier today after Minister of Public Safety and Emergency Preparedness Ralph Goodale managed to entangle himself in a giant ball of Christmas l…
New VR headset allows viewer to experience porn from perspective of guy watching porn on computer
MONTREAL — Thanks to the numerous advances being made in the field of virtual reality, the pornographic production company Brazzers has unveiled a brand-new VR headset that finally allows viewers…
Thousands of stray dogs shooed out of Olympic stadium in anticipation of Expos’ return
MONTREAL — After the Tampa Bay Rays obtained permission to play half their home games in Montreal, city officials have quickly been dispatched to shoo away the several thousand roving dogs curren…
I always use Pure Green Coffee Bean weight loss capsules™ to slim down for my high profile congressional hearings
BY: DR MEHMET OZ When I was asked to appear in front of a U.S. Senate panel for promoting potentially fraudulent weight loss pills on my show, my first thought was: I’ve got to drop 5 pounds, and…
City of Montreal ramps up Eurotrash collection for Grand Prix Weekend
MONTREAL — In order to prevent excess pollution to the downtown area, the City of Montreal has ramped up its Eurotrash collection service for the Canadian Grand Prix weekend. “Every year at this …
CBC renews ‘the news’ for another season
TORONTO — In spite of massive budget cuts and the cancellation of several long-running programs, including the flagship Hockey Night in Canada and George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight, the CBC recent…