VANCOUVER – A recent, municipal census regarding what shade of Beige citizens prefer for the Town Hall lobby, revealed that people are fed up with answering vexatious questionnaires. Deputy…
Following verdict, Oscar Pistorius promises to be more careful next time he shoots girlfriend
PRETORIA, SOUTH AFRICA – Following a judge’s ruling that he did not murder Reeva Steenkamp, Oscar Pistorius pledged that he would approach his next domestic homicide far more cautiously. “I…
11 year-olds in tree house divided over ‘no girls’ policy
VANCOUVER – Controversy has struck the tree fort in Jeffrey Lewis’s backyard following the implementation of a ‘no girls’ rule. “It’s my fort and I say no girls!” said Lewis. “I don’t even …
UPDATE: Justin Trudeau autobiography just 340 full-page photos of Justin Trudeau
OTTAWA – With the 2015 elections fast approaching, Justin Trudeau is preparing to release a meditative, compelling autobiography composed entirely of photographs of the Liberal party leader…
Justin Trudeau autobiography spends 70 pages on hair care products
OTTAWA – With the release of Justin Trudeau’s biography just around the corner, early readers have been surprised by the Liberal leader’s honest, lengthy, and exclusive discussion of hair p…
Marineland’s sealife now kept in tanks filled with their own tears
NIAGARA FALLS, ON – A new report from controversial amusement park, Marineland, has revealed that almost all their aquatic animals are living in their own tears. “Really, it’s j…
Best book local man has ever read is only book he’s read since high school
KAMLOOPS, B.C. – Calling it “incredible”, “well-paced”, and “totally unique”, local man Tim Murphy has named Kathryn Stockett’s The Help as the best book he’s ever read. “It’s amazing becau…
Local man dumped for Ryan Gosling .gif
TIMMINS, ON – Timmins resident, Gary Ramsey, was dumped by his girlfriend of 10 months after she found a superior partner in an animated .gif of Ryan Gosling. “Amanda [Gehry] doesn’t know w…
Local couple replaces sex with Netflix
TORONTO – Local couple Mark Lui and Shelby Hollande have begun substituting sex with streaming film and television on Netflix. Said 32-year-old Shelby, “When we first moved in together 5 ye…
