REGINA – Local slacker Jeremy Sampson recently asked Polly Peterson, his girlfriend of four years, to enter into a common-law-engagement with him over a cup of 7-11’s fanciest Ramen noodles…
Forbes names Putin ‘World’s Most Powerful Fuckface’
NEW YORK – Thanks to a year of swaggering, unapologetic dickheaded-ness, Forbes magazine has named Vladimir Putin as the World’s Most Powerful Fuckface for the 2nd year in a row. “Whether o…
CRTC bans 30-day internet cancellation notice after 4 hour argument with Rogers tech support
OTTAWA – Following an aggravating conversation with representatives from the leading internet, TV, and cellphone provider, the CTRC has decided to ban the required 30-day notice period for …
Kinky Canadian scientist can’t wait to be muzzled
TORONTO – While preemptively binding himself with rope, Dr. Saul Goldberg, a prominent ecologist and S&M aficionado, expressed his excitement at being completely muzzled and degraded by…
Bored guy could eat
VANCOUVER – After nearly three hours of aimlessly wandering around, local dude Adrian Lemmoux had it apparent that he could munch on something. “I mean, I did just have that roast beef sand…
Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews
Name: Acadia University Nickname: Itsy-Bitsy Teeny-Weeny Yellow Polka-Dot University Motto: “Please do not force us leave our homes” (In use since the 1700s) History: Acadia University was found…
Harper to accept Syrian refugees who can prove no ties to Middle East
OTTAWA – At a press conference today, the Prime Minister announced plans to begin fast-tracking refugee applications from any and all Syrian refugees who can prove they’ve never visited the…
Harper authorizes use of CF-18s for Question Period
OTTAWA – In response to increasing instability, Prime Minister Stephen Harper authorized the deployment of Canada’s fleet of CF-18s to the combat aggressive insurgent forces present in Ques…
Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews
Name: Dalhousie Nickname: Smug and moist Motto: “Where Ontario comes to party” History: Founded in 1818, by George Ramsay, 9th Earl of Dalhousie, Dalhousie University didn’t hold its first cours…
Undercover Mountie still on horse
VANCOUVER – Undercover RCMP officer, Michael Reynolds, has neglected to dismount prior to his infiltration of a dangerous drug ring in British Columbia. “This is one of the highest traffic …
